Francesca - all speakers

Andrea: [00:00:00] In the fall of 2024, my friend and Half Betty co host Krista Gruen invited me to join her at Reese Witherspoon's Shine Away event in Los Angeles. Newly out of my own corporate job with both daughters off to university, I Eagerly said yes. I said, actually, yes, please. I think that's what I said.

The conference was more than an event. It was a magnetic space for women seeking inspiration, connection, and shared stories. It also became the spark for what Half Betty could be. A platform amplifying stories of midlife transformation, rewriting the outdated narrative of women fading with age.

Instead, we celebrate strength, resilience, wisdom, and bold reinvention. One of the incredible women we met that day is our next guest, Francesca Hogi.

We first met Franny, and she said that we could call her Franny, on stage, captivating a theater full of women with her wisdom and the mantra, phone down, eyes up. Later, in the courtyard, we were drawn into conversation with her, an instant connection that led us [00:01:00] here. Five months later, welcoming her to the Half Betty show.

Franny is a love coach, a Ted speaker and host of the Dear Franny Podcast, a former corporate lawyer turned matchmaker. She's also been featured in the Today Show, the New York Times, Marie Claire and others. She's also the founder of the True Love Society and the author of How to Find True Love coming out this April.

Today, she's joining Krista and I to dive into the catalysts that have reshaped her life and also reshape ours in midlife. Welcome, Welcome. I'm going to call you Franny. Is that alright? Yeah, you said that was okay. Welcome, Franny! Oh my gosh, we're so excited to have you.

Francesca: Oh,

Andrea: you for joining us

Krista: Que the applause

Francesca: I'm so excited. I've been so looking forward to this conversation. It's been so exciting to watch Half Betty come to life after, you know, hearing about it in the fall. I'm so proud of you guys. You're killing it.

Andrea: Thank you.

Krista: means a lot coming from you, so thank [00:02:00] you

Andrea: Krista and I we're, we're under 10 episodes recorded. So as you can imagine, um, with each of those, like we were saying earlier, every single one of them, we're learning something.

one of the things that we have found that has been really, really helpful is it's an anchor, you know, it's that piece, that we can come back to over and over again, that keeps us consistent. So that's a bit of that red thread that runs through all of our episodes.

so that our listeners, Get to know what they can expect and they get to know what they can anticipate coming in the next one at least some little pieces of it so with that one of the pieces that feels like a really wonderful anchor is having each of our guests start by sharing what they believe are five words.

That really truly describe who they are, how they show up in the world. So we would love if you wouldn't mind sharing with us your five words, and just describing to us and to our listeners [00:03:00] who Franny is.

Francesca: Oh my goodness. Thank you, Andrea. I think the first word was determined. And, That's, that is. definitely the first thing that comes to mind when I think about describing myself because that is just a very big part of my personality. you know how like on Facebook back in the day you could have like a little tagline and my,

Andrea: That, when did that go

Krista: Franny is or

Francesca: or like you could have a little like saying or whatever and I, my little tagline on Facebook was a steady drip can bore a hole through a rock.

Krista: Oh, that's so awesome.

Francesca: am that steady drip.

Krista: Yes.

Andrea: is good.

Francesca: Um,

so definitely determined. I also, would describe myself as very intuitive.

Like I definitely, I take my intuition very seriously. I trust it. If I have a calling to do something, I take that as the [00:04:00] evidence that I'm supposed to do it. I listen. I didn't always listen, but I learned to listen. Right.

Krista: a learned skill. And actually you taught us that at Shine Away too, when you were facilitating the workshop for Peoplehood, which it's such a simple concept to listen. You think about it. But it's actually quite hard to do it actively, And the workshop that you and Connor facilitated was so beautiful.

And honestly, I have not stopped thinking about it. And especially like when I listen to my children as well, obviously my husband and my family and my friends, but really specifically listening to my children that's changed for me. So thank you for that. Mm

Francesca: Oh, that is so wonderful to hear. Oh my gosh. I can't wait to tell Connor. So listening and listening to yourself, because how often Do we talk ourselves out of things? I remember this is related to the book actually, but I remember my 30th birthday. So when I [00:05:00] was 29, I was dating this guy who was someone

I just didn't know like why, but there was just something, I was like, something, I just don't know why I don't like this guy, like, I should like him more, he checks all these boxes, he really liked me, I'd known him for years, he'd been very consistent in his pursuit of me, and I was like, okay, I need to give this guy, this is just my avoidance, like, I've just gotta give him a chance, and so, I dated him for a few months, and he literally stood me up in a restaurant, on my 30th birthday,

Andrea: Oh my

Francesca: scene in a movie.

And, and I literally remember sitting there and once I realized that he wasn't coming, I was like, you know what? This is actually my fault. Um, Not to shame myself, but because I was like, I didn't even like this guy. you know, I was so busy trying to figure out like why I didn't like him. I just didn't recognize that.

my intuition was like, not this guy,

Andrea: Yeah. Yeah.

Francesca: When it [00:06:00] comes to that specifically lesson was about for me dating It's like never overriding that intuition again, and I never have and I've never had anybody do anything

Krista: Wow. never

Francesca: Nearly as outrageous as that

Krista: yeah, That's powerful for sure.

Andrea: this word intuition, it's my word for this year, because I also left it behind, after many years of overriding it.

because I believed that instead of intuition, what was speaking was ego and I had a desire to push down ego because I thought that's what I needed to work on, when in fact it wasn't ego, it was intuition and that became quite clear. in the last 12 months and, it's really interesting, to consider, intuition and age and where women move to in midlife and whether or not there's a correlation between gaining experience [00:07:00] Gaining years, and coming back to, or being drawn back to intuition.

it'd be so interesting to hear more. it sounds like, at 30, you had a moment where you were. Very clear that your intuition had been, ignored or squelched or, overridden by other things, but, I find just the whole idea of intuitive behavior or intuitive thinking or intuitive action, and how women perhaps come back to that.

So I, I love that description and I love that you feel So close to your intuition. It's really inspiring.

Francesca: Oh Well, thank you and Yeah.

thank you for sharing that I mean I agree with you about and I think it's two things because yes You know I was 30. That's young. I'm 50 now. So it's 20 years later. Um, but I think the type of intuition that was at play in that situation was very loud. [00:08:00] Like I couldn't, ignore it.

Like, I mean, I could override it, but I couldn't, um, I couldn't ignore the fact that I felt it. Right. And I think that what's taken me 20 years since then is to be much more attuned to the quiet intuitions as well. Right. And to pay attention because I think sometimes in life, this is like anything in life.

Sometimes. We, you know, we just have a blessing and it's just comes and it's in your face and you just couldn't ignore it if you tried and you might try and it's like, okay, like, okay, I, I actually have to pay attention to this. But other times, it's quiet and it's something that does take some practice and some presence.

And like you said, Andrea, it takes some experience because you can, I mean, and I say this all the time to my clients, I'm like. You've done so many hard things before and you've been through so much already and that is a goldmine of lessons for you.

And so how can you look back and say, yeah, you know what, there was something in me that was nagging or I [00:09:00] felt like I was being nudged away from that or towards that and I didn't really listen. But now when I see back, I see exactly what, my intuition was trying to tell me. So I think time and age is really critical.

I mean, when you think of like. The wise elder, you know,

Krista: Absolutely.

Francesca: elder part is very important.

Krista: Yep.

Francesca: And the wisdom.

Andrea: Yeah, that's true. I love that. So we have, determined

Francesca: Yes, determined, Intuitive.

Um, adaptable. Which is kind of a weird word when I put adaptable I was like, oh, there's some people in my life would be like oh, are you? Tell me more

Krista: Oh, okay. All right. Tell us more.

Francesca: And what I mean is that I'm actually like very much a creature of habit so I have a lot of things that it's like, no, this is the way I do it, you know, so I'm not just super go with the flow. I have routines.

I have ways that I like things, but [00:10:00] I have had so many different phases of my life, I've had so many jobs I had a whole law career for years. I've had a lot of experiences and, just a very interesting life, frankly. I mean, to me, it was interesting.

I look back and I'm like, oh, I guess I've done some interesting things, so I'm comfortable with change, as much as I might resist it in ways, of course, as we all do, but ultimately, I'm willing to take that step, move across the country, quit that stable job, leave that relationship with somebody who's a great person, but just doesn't, to me, feel like my forever partner. So I think, I don't know, maybe adaptable is not the right word, but that's what I meant by it.

Krista: think it is, but I'm curious, at what point you realized that you are adaptable? Because that probably wasn't always the case. Was there a moment in time that made you realize that you are?

Francesca: Yeah. I think probably the first big, maybe like, risk that I took [00:11:00] was transferring schools when I was in college my first year. I just was like, this is just not the place for me.I wasn't feeling it. and I knew where I wanted to go instead. I knew exactly what I wanted to study.

And so I only applied to this one school as a transfer student. And I just was like, if I don't get into this school, then I'm just not going to college, at least not this year. I'm just going to take a year off. I'm going to figure it out. and I definitely remember people being like, well, don't

Tell the one school that you're leaving before you've gotten into the new one. And, and I, no, I know I told them, I was like, no, I am not coming back here. So I was very clear like that wasn't happening. And so yeah, so I said, I told them I wasn't coming back and then luckily it worked out and I got into the school that I wanted to go to, but, but I definitely remember people being like, What do you mean?

Like, you can't just do that, you know, because all my friends, you know, everyone was in school. Everybody was kind of on that path, And that was what my [00:12:00] family expected of me and all those things. But I was just like, yeah, I got to do this my way. So I think,

it has been a long time with me having these moments of just being like, I'd rather deal with the discomfort of putting myself in that situation.

when I know that the situation that I'm in is not one that I want. I'll deal with the new one when I get there.

Krista: Yeah. good for you. That can be scary, but good for you.

That's

Andrea: that does sound like adaptable to me as I was thinking about it, becauseI go to animals and nature, that's just my default. but I think about, in nature so it could be a tree or it could be a plant or it could be an animal adapt to a new environment or a new set of circumstances or the lack of something or the overabundance of something else. And so there's this constant ability to, and we've heard this word a lot, probably in the last number of years, but to pivot and to adjust and to navigate the new [00:13:00] circumstances. in a way that's going to support us to be well and to be okay.

And so to me, it sounds like as

Krista: too

Andrea: yeah, exactly. Right. Yeah, exactly. And so as you described, Your experience, and where you saw adaptability coming into that, to me it was exactly what you were doing, is that you were moving into new circumstances, whether it was physically, or geographically, or mentally, or whatever it was, and then you needed to adapt to those new circumstances, and, and not miss a beat, and just keep going, and like adapt, and adapt, and keep going, and keep going, so it feels like really, I really love that word.

I think it's such a powerful word.

Francesca: Well, thank you. Thank you both for making me feel better about my word choice.

Krista: Now go tell your friends that we approve

Francesca: Because and I think, and this kind of actually goes back to intuition because I believe that, when it [00:14:00] comes to love, when it comes to life, like we are all on this journey and we are meant to grow. We are meant to evolve. We are meant to uncover new aspects of ourselves And I think especially being a coach and working with clients over the last 12 years, it's been really helpful for me to see really incredible people and how they hold themselves back and how they don't listen to themselves.

And how much self doubt is really like driving the train when I'm in, it's so easy to see it in other people. I'm like, how can they not know how amazing they are? Like what is the problem? But it made me really look at myself and to go to a deeper level of that, self belief because I could really see how much that was unnecessarily holding back so, many people from living the life of their dreams.

I've gotten even more out of the box as the years go on in terms of the situations I'm willing to put myself in.

Krista: So you've learned from your clients, which I [00:15:00] think is really cool, but how would you teach them how to be adaptable? How would you Suggest to them different ways to try feel better, to move through things, or to sit in them, like sometimes we say, Yeah.

Francesca: Yeah, Well, maybe it's a good time to talk about some self love.

Krista: Yeah, let's do it.

Andrea: are we happy to move from the words that you've shared? I just want to make sure.

so we've got intuitive, adaptable,

Francesca: determined.

Andrea: You can do

Krista: we're good.

Francesca: we can do three. Okay. Let's do three. Cause I can't even remember the other words.

Krista: They're

Andrea: like to break the rules sometimes. Just a little bit, and it's not all the time.

Okay. All the

Francesca: I'm a total rule breaker. I love it.

Andrea: Aligned! and that's also Krista's this year.

Krista: That's, that's my word.

Francesca: that word.

I love

Krista: hmm. Okay, yeah, so let's talk about self

Francesca: love

So let's talk about self love. So ultimately, going for anything in life, whether you're going for a career change or [00:16:00] you're starting a podcast or you're going for a new great relationship, like anything is going to be made easier. The better your relationship is with yourself, So how you talk to yourself, how you encourage yourself, how you treat yourself.

What you believe about yourself, that's the foundation for everything. and so one of the things that I realized when I started working with clients was I really need to figure out a way to express this to people in a way that is like actionable, right? Because coaching is about like taking action and, the most unhelpful advice in the world is when people say, you just need to love yourself.

Krista: Aw. Isn't that sweet? how the heck do I do that?

Francesca: exactly. Like, Oh my God, for years, people would say that to me and I would just like, I hated it. I just hated it. I'd be like, stop saying that. what does that even mean? and so as I got older and as I started working with people, it really became clear to me that [00:17:00] self love is not just one thing.

and also we're so focused on love as an emotion. And so we want to, feel all this love for ourselves. But this idea that you're going to wake up one morning and suddenly, feel all this love for yourself without actually having any practice of actively loving yourself, it's just, I can't say it's not gonna happen because miracles happen every day, but it's unlikely to happen,

The self love formula is something that I came up with as a way of really making this tangible for my clients. there are five steps or five elements of the self love formula. and the first one is self compassion. I start with self compassion for a reason because again, I saw with my clients, The people who were so in their heads, beating themselves up, judging themselves, shaming themselves.

What's wrong with me? Why can't I figure this out? I always mess up. they were so stuck from seeing any other possibility just because of that narrative that was going on in their heads. [00:18:00] Like, we can't even talk about how worthy you are if you can't stop the loop of what a piece of shit you are,

Krista: Yeah.

Francesca: you can't do it. so self compassion is really just recognizing that like every other person, you are doing the best that you can, You don't have to be perfect. And that. You deserve to give yourself a break and just give yourself that kindness of okay, even if I made a mistake, if I want to do better, beating myself up is not going to change anything,

and that's the other thing I tell people about self compassion. I'm like, it can be begrudging. It does not have to be I'm so inspired to be so kind and compassionate towards myself. No, it can totally be begrudging. It can be, okay, I have tried this beating myself up and it didn't work.I have, if beating myself up made everything in my life perfect, I would have the most perfect life, right?

So perhaps it is time for me to try something different, So I'm going to take a breath in this moment, I'm going to interrupt this narrative and just give myself a break so I can move on. [00:19:00] And then you can move on to step two, which is all about self worth.

And self worth is really understanding and knowing that you are inherently worthy of good things simply because you exist. So, if you think of a newborn baby, who among us would say, we don't know yet if that baby is deserving of love. Or safety, or kindness, or care, or abundance, or creativity, or good health, or joy,

You would have to be a sociopath,

Andrea: Mm-hmm . Mm-hmm

Krista: Pretty much.

Francesca: To say, I'm gonna wait, let's check, let's check back in 20 years, right? Um, so, so if you can agree that every baby, everyone in this world is born worthy, then hopefully you can also agree that includes you. And that because your worth was not something that had to be earned, it is something that is inherent.

It's also not something that can be lost. And so really understanding that you actually [00:20:00] deserve to have good things is huge because if we don't believe that we deserve to have good things, our ability to actually let those things into our lives, let them flourish in our lives. Take those risks, leave that situation for the hope of something better it would be psychologically Irrational for you to do that if you didn't believe that that was something that you were Capable of or that you deserve so with self worth the real key is to recognize that we may not always feel worthy I believe that we have a self worth crisis in our culture because we have been told our whole lives by people, even people who are well meaning, much less all the people who aren't, that we have to do certain things, we have to look a certain way, we have to have certain things in order to be good enough,

And so it takes a real effort to decolonize your mind from this idea that you're on this treadmill of just never being enough. and so what I encourage people to [00:21:00] do is to start to ask yourself the question, well, if I did believe that I was truly worthy of having the love that I wanted, the career that I wanted, the health that I wanted, fill in the blank, what might I do next as a way of training yourself?

To know what that high self worth action is and as long as you're asking yourself, and this is why again I start with self compassion as long as you're asking yourself from a place of self compassion at curiosity is what I call it You will start to get answers, right? And so you don't have to know 20 steps You don't even have to know three.

You just need to know one What is one step in the direction of a higher self worth action? And then that takes us to number three, which is self validation. And self validation is then giving yourself credit, right? So when you take that high self worth action, when you are more vulnerable, you are more courageous, you do try something new, you do get through a really difficult time, then actually giving yourself credit for that.

Because this is another thing that I [00:22:00] saw with my clients. how could you not see how amazing you are and look at all of these things that you've done. Look at all of this that you've been through. Look at how, all of these ways that you've put yourself out there and you've been courageous.

But what I realized is that so many people rob themselves of increased confidence because They never take the time to acknowledge what they've done and what they've been through.

Krista: what what does that look like? Franny, does that look like, taking myself on a little, vacation by myself or I don't know. What does that look like?

Francesca: that you ask that because the next step is actually self care and it's related because the way that I think about self care is really as a two part question. So this would also apply to how do I acknowledge myself? and it's not just about reward,

It's really about acknowledgement. So it's not I get to treat myself. Maybe you do, but also it's just like, I can just give myself credit. Like, yeah, you know what? That was really hard. Or yeah, that was a really scary thing and I did it anyway and wow, and I'm still standing, I did it.

And so it's really about that [00:23:00] acknowledgement, that validation because by giving yourself that validation, number one, then you become less dependent on getting validation from everyone else. which is huge. And when you do get validation from other people, it feels good, but it doesn't feel like oxygen.

Like, Oh my God, I need more. I need more. I need more. Um, and then you just have a more of a sense of confidence within yourself, So, I've done a lot of hard things. I've figured out a lot of difficult situations. So, Yeah,

if I move to this new city where I don't know anyone, is that going to be challenging?

But guess what? I've done a lot of challenging things. I can figure this out,

Krista: Yeah, maybe just writing it down, seeing that visually, something like that is really helpful to acknowledge and saying it out loud too.

Francesca: Yeah.

this is an exercise that I

give.my clients, which is to write down, at least 10 or 20 things that give yourself credit for right now,what about my love journey?

Can I give myself credit for right now? What about my fill in the blank? Can I give myself credit for right now? What have I done in the [00:24:00] past that I did not take the time to acknowledge myself or give myself credit for and make a list and write it out and let yourself see that evidence,

You need to feel a little bit better about yourself.

Andrea: Writing things down has more of a permanence which I think is really interesting because you can go back and you can reflect on that too, whichis really powerful and when you were saying not getting validation from others, but instead validating yourself, so you're giving yourself Or you're creating agency.

and how powerful that is. And the other piece that then occurred to me is that, When others likea friend says to you, That was so good. You did such a good job on that. I get incredibly uncomfortable. I want to push it away.

I want to minimize it. I maybe don't even really feel like accepting it. because of a narrative of, [00:25:00] I actually don't deserve that

Francesca: Or it's egotistical

Andrea: or that I'm

Francesca: to allow that. Yes.

Andrea: exactly. And so I wonder if there's also some practice in.

accepting, and hearing others who care about you or who see that you've done something wonderful and then want to tell you that you did that really well, and then taking that and sitting with it, and then, whatever it looks like, but saying, Thank you, I really appreciate that, because I, find that so difficult, and I see that in other friends as well.

I see them also becoming uncomfortable when something is given to them. So,

Krista: I like, to say, it's okay. you can just say thank you. I can see that you're uncomfortable.

Andrea: you're really good. You're really good with that, Krista. you really are. it does help when somebody gives you that out as well. When they say, you're good.

Krista: Yeah, and you definitely don't have to make excuses or defend [00:26:00] yourself or go over why you did it or how you got there or the things along the way that didn't work out, nobody cares. It's okay. You're here. You the thing. Way to go. And you can say thank you for me acknowledging that.

Francesca: Yes. And, and, and also, you know, Krista, to your point, it's like, I mean, cause there's so many. First I'll say Andrea. Yes, what you were saying is incredibly, incredibly common. You know, I always ask people It's like a litmus test. Like how well do you take a compliment, right?

Andrea: Yeah.

Francesca: How well do you take a compliment because and I have a friend who's another love coach His name is Amari Ice and he and I love what he says, which is that love is the ultimate compliment

Andrea: Mm.

Francesca: So if you can't accept your friend saying you did a good job or, Oh wow, you look really good in that color, then you may not be as open to receiving love as you think that you are.

Andrea: Mm. Wow.

Francesca: so this becomes a practice.

Krista: To me, love is unconditional. So I can [00:27:00] understand what you're saying then for me, that is, if someone loves you, to me, it's like, I love you no matter what.

Francesca: well, I think that, um, yes, I think that unconditional, I, okay, so this, there's, there's, and this is part of why I created the whole self love formula is because we have to kind of look at love as more than one thing.So love is not just a feeling because do you unconditionally feel love towards every person that you are choosing to unconditionally treat with love?

No.

Krista: fair. Okay.

Andrea: Yeah. That's a good way to look at it, though. That's a real distinction, isn't it?

Francesca: Yeah, Yeah. So the idea and what the fantasy version of love, particularly romantic love is. And also Parenthood.Parenthood is like close second to, particularly motherhood. to the kind of fantasy version of romantic love is no matter what you do, no matter how you treat me, no matter what happens, I love you [00:28:00] unconditionally.

And that now means that I will put up with whatever treatment.

Krista: Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I'm hearing you

Francesca: And the unconditional love is you are your one true love, you are your primary true love. so as much as we can choose to love other people unconditionally, if that is coming at the, at the, cost of your own self love, then it's not really love.

Then it's coming from a place of, a very human place. it's not a judgment, but it is to understand Wait, am I truly being loving? if my cup is empty and I'm still giving everything to everybody else, so I'm depleted, so I can't even function, is that a loving thing to do, honestly? Is that a loving state to exist within, towards yourself? So, unconditional love is, yeah.

Krista: Good. Okay.

Francesca: To me, to me, this is about a choice. So, like, in a relationship, in a true love relationship, as I define it, unconditional love Is a [00:29:00] pillar of the relationship, but it's not that I

expect that I'm going to, every time I look at you, there's going to be stars in my eyes.

Right.

Krista: Birds chirping as they fly by.

Andrea: have that with my, I think I do have that with my dog.

Krista: Oh,

Francesca: Okay. Yes. That's we have dogs are such a gift because that is where we really do get to experience this unconditional love. Right?

Andrea: I feel like that is the one place.

Francesca: Yeah.

Krista: you, you speak a little bit about the fairy tale. and I feel like that's an interesting moment right now to talk,a little bit about that,when I grew up, it was all the fairy tales and Prince Charming and all the stories about the one true love.

So can you like dabble in that moment a little bit?

Francesca: I can dabble in that. Okay. Before I do that, let me finish the self love formula really quick. I promise I'll be fast. Good. I just don't want anybody listening to be like, ah, cause I started to talk about self [00:30:00] care, so I think of self care as a two part question. so the first question is how do I want to feel? How do I want to feel? How do I want to feel when I wake up in the morning? How do I want to feel when I'm in this situation? How do I want to feel when I go on a date?

How do I want to feel inside my relationship? That's number one. And then the second question is, what can I do to support myself in feeling that way? So sometimes there are things that you'd need to add on, but oftentimes there are things we need to stop doing that are interrupting our ability to feel that way.

So I look at self care very holistically and for all of these, just asking yourself the question is a very loving thing to do. Like I'm actually taking the time to think about how I want to feel like that is an act of love towards myself. and then last but not least, the fifth is self gratitude.

self gratitude is really acknowledging that you are a one of a kind miracle. Like no one else on this earth. ever been just like you and never will be. And that's a really pretty mind [00:31:00] blowing when we think about

Andrea: Mm hmm.

Francesca: all intuitively know that's how individual we are.

And so when you are able to actually be grateful for that individual that you are, and for those things that make you uniquely you, so not just gratitude for what you have and what you've done, that's super important, but actually gratitude for who you are. It's so powerful. So that is a, that's a choice.

You can say what's one thing about the one of a kind miracle that I am that I can be grateful for right now.

Andrea: hmm.

Francesca: So you string all those things together, like, am I being compassionate towards myself? Am I willing to give myself a break so I can move on? if I truly believed I was worthy of having this thing, what might I do next?

what can I give myself credit for right now about the situation? how do I want to feel? And fill in the blank. And then what can I do to support myself? And then the last is, what about myself can I be grateful for right now? So that's the self love formula.

Um,

Krista: So simple. so

Francesca: Yeah, and it's tangible that it's like, okay, now I know where to start on this journey of [00:32:00] loving myself that everybody's supposed to told me that I'm supposed to be doing my whole life. Um, and if you do those things enough, your feelings do catch up and then it becomes more automatic Um, but fantasy, fairy tale. So Krista, you are not alone

Krista: Yeah.

Francesca: in being raised with the fantasy. Um, And we collectively do ourselves a very big disservice because the romantic relationships, partnership, who you have children with, who you marry, these are such huge parts of our lives.

And yet we get no guidance. It'sall like fantasy. find somebody that you like and hope it works out. And if they're the right one, it will, You know, like, it's just, it's just like, okay. but how do I communicate? How do I discern? How do I flirt? How do I open myself up to receive?

How do I even know what's important and to value in another person? Because we're sold such a fantasy of. What love is supposed to look like and who gets to have it and who you have to be in order to have [00:33:00] it. And if you're not that then too bad for you. And you know, and so there's a lot of decolonization of our minds about what romantic love is supposed to look like and how it happens that we have to do to get to the reality of It's not it's it is magical in a way, but it's not magical as in it doesn't require your participation And your effort and your evolution and your awareness and your choices.

so many people feel so disempowered in relationships because the only thing they've ever been told is just find the person and then cut to the credits, right?

Krista: Yeah.

Francesca: the person

Krista: everything

Francesca: now it's happily ever after. And then, it's like, well, wait a second, what do I, but how do I actually navigate a relationship?

So I think that, I'm not trying to be unromantic because I am actually a very romantic person.

Krista: Yeah.

Francesca: However, when we take more agency over our relationships and realize any relationship that you have with any other person, romantic or otherwise, [00:34:00] you are co creating that,

you were always half of the equation. That doesn't just fly out the window just because you're hot for someone, this is still a co creation. And so if we look at it that way, and we can take more responsibility, then it's like, Oh, I actually do free myself up to have more magic, because it's no longer, we're constantly bickering because we can't communicate.

Or I'm constantly feeling triggered because my needs aren't being met all of these distractions, that block us from feeling and experiencing the love that we want in our romantic relationships can be eliminated just by how we think about them in the first place and the amount of responsibility we take for choosing good partners and showing up in those relationships and, building and letting them thrive over time.

Krista: And as we get older and we have, relationships that end and maybe marriages that end or even just friendships that end, I've been in friendships before where I'm like, I'm going to walk away like this doesn't [00:35:00] feel good right now. And I don't know if it will. I can't see it changing.

But as we get older. I'm interested to hear from you about what that looks like. Let's say, for example, our friendships. I'm going to say it. my mom had a long time friend from elementary school. And a couple of years ago, it came down to, uh, quite an uncomfortable conversation and my mom.

Walked away saying, I don't think I can be in this relationship anymore. And there's all kinds of things that were going around in her mind and in her body about the friendship that she thought was true. And in the end she couldn't do it anymore. And it was really, really sad and I think it's hard to let go of that and it's hard to change.

I'm just wondering if you can maybe talk a little bit about that and how it gets, I think in my opinion, and it's only my opinion, definitely not a [00:36:00] professional opinion, but I think it gets harder when we're older and we've had experiences with relationships, whether that's a, a partner or a friendship.

Francesca: Yeah.

Well, first of all, I think friend breakups, probably my most traumatic breakups have been friend breakups. there is something, that can be very devastating about a friendship ending, especially one that has lasted for a very long time and where there was a lot of closeness and so much shared experience.

Um, but just as in romantic relationships, not every relationship is meant to last your whole life and it doesn't diminish the importance that person had in your life at a given time, how you influence each other. the friend who I would say, Growing up is the per, like, she has a, she has a part to play in who I am today.

we were so close and she, she helped me to see the world in different ways. I helped her to see the world in different ways. [00:37:00] And we are not friends anymore. And, um, I, the last time I saw her, I was just like, I felt like your mom. I was like, this is not, this is not a relationship to take into my future with me.

And it's just, and that's not easy. But at the same time, I, it does not at all diminish the love, the, you know, and I wrote her a letter actually. I told her, I said, you know, I just want to thank you because I really, I literally wouldn't be the person I am if not for you. Right. Um, and so I. So you can honor what you've been through in any type of relationship and not take the ending as an indictment.

Oh, I'm a terrible person. I think especially when it comes to friendship, well, it can also happen, obviously, this can happen in a relationship, a romantic relationship as well,

Krista: Mm hmm.

Francesca: the person who leaves, you know, is vilified and you feel like a terrible person and all of that. But I think with friendship there is this idea that if you're a real friend, then the friendship should [00:38:00] last forever.

Krista: Right. But that's also, I feel like it goes hand in hand with what I was taught, like, you know, the fairy tale and stuff. It's just, it's, it's lifelong. It's, it's that, you know, whether it's a friendship or a romantic relationship, a partnership, it's, it's, oh, it's forever.

Francesca: Yeah.

Andrea: mhm, mhm,

Francesca: that it's supposed to be forever. Yeah. Is it's really, it causes so much unnecessary angst. It really does. Because if we can just honor the fact that like, yeah, this, there was a season and it's no more. And, and I think actually sometimes with very, very long term friendships like that, like decades long, um, I heard this term.

I think I was listening to a podcast. I can, I can't remember which one, but it was about friendship and there were like these different terms for different types of friendships. And one of them is a legacy friendship.

Krista: Mm.

Francesca: like somebody that you're friends with because you've always been friends with them, but it's not a person who you would, if you met each other today, you probably would not choose each other. Right.

Krista: interesting. [00:39:00] Yep.

Francesca: interesting. And I think that sometimes with those legacy friendships, they are. It works because, you know, there is enough distance and neither one of you is expecting to be best friends today, and so that kind of works. But sometimes you have those legacy friendships where you're still trying to make it be the everything.

Andrea: yeah,

Francesca: you know, and have this level of intensity that it just may not have anymore, and it's not meant to, and that's okay, you know, um, so my heart goes out to your mom, um,

of us, you know, who've had to say goodbye to, to, you know, dear friends, but

Krista: That's tricky.

Francesca: that's how it has

Krista: I, I like what you said about writing a letter. Did you send it to your friend?

Francesca: I will. I actually, I actually texted it to her.

Krista: Yeah, interesting. Yeah,

Francesca: I wrote a long note and I sent it to her. Yeah,

Andrea: yeah,

Krista: practice. my dad would say that I had a bit of a, a moment with [00:40:00] my sister, uh, my oldest sister, and he had suggested, well, why don't you write a letter to her?

Why don't you sit down and get all your thoughts out on a piece of paper and just tell her all the things that you feel and whether you send it or not, it doesn't matter if you want to and you feel that it's right and you're moved to do that, then maybe you do that. But that was such a, a wonderful piece of advice that he gave me.

And, um, It, it's really helped me in, in my life, take a moment and just get clear on what it is. I know Andrea really loves to write, she loves words and, and like you were saying before, Andrea, seeing those words, seeing that, um, those accomplishments written down, it's kind of that same feeling, I think, would you, would you say it's such an interesting practice?

Francesca: I am the biggest advocate of writing things down and writing letters and actually in the context of romantic relationships, writing letters can be very, very helpful. [00:41:00] Um, once the relationship is over, whether you send it or not, just like your dad said, yeah, it's super powerful.

I mean, I, I literally journal three times a day

Krista: Wow, where do you find the time my friend?

Francesca: I mean, this is, this is why it was like everybody be like, Oh yeah, you're so adaptable. You'll

Andrea: hmm.

Francesca: like hop out of bed and just go, go. And like, okay, fine. I won't do that. I have a whole routine. I got to do my morning pages.

I got it like,

but I'll also like move across the country. You know what I mean? Or like. Write a book or move across an ocean. So I'll do those things, but I'm gonna still have my morning routine, you know

Andrea: think they're mutually exclusive. I think that they can live together.

Krista: 100%.

Francesca: so I do my morning pages and my morning pages journal has now also turned into my night pages journal So I'll just do a little at the end of the day last thing before I go to sleep It could be a little, it could be a lot, depends on the day.

Um, and then I also journal in the middle of the day.

I, I gotta get it all

Andrea: takeaway. Yeah, from the different experiences that both of you have just shared, with [00:42:00] capturing words or thoughts or emotions or things that you would like to say but maybe won't share. It's so powerful to be able to put that outside of your mind somewhere and then just know that it's there.

and it's not only in your mind circulating around and around. So it's like this transference of that story outside of your own brain into a world where now it can take on a new shape sometimes, um, and it can actually create an action. I love the way that you've both shared how you use words and to Krista's point, I have written words since I could write and I have, you know, and it's not typically long format stories, but I will write and there's like pieces of paper everywhere.

I'm looking around because there's pieces of paper everywhere and they just have words. And it's because for me, it is that. idea that if I just leave it in here, it will either be [00:43:00] lost or that moment won't be remembered, but if I take it outside of here and put it somewhere, good or bad, it now lives somewhere that I can come back to and I can reflect on and I can pull that little thing out and I'll say oh my gosh I remember when I wrote this and it will bring back a feeling it will Maybe it'll be something really lovely or maybe it'll be something that makes me feel a little bit nostalgic or sad but it's still something that now is meaningful and is a little bit of a narrative of my life as well because it tells a little tiny snippet story of my entire lifeline

Francesca: can't wait for your memoir, Andrea.

Andrea: Oh,

Krista: Oh

Andrea: just be like, it'll just be like weird little drawings and words. So we'll, we'll see how that, we'll see how that works.

Francesca: that might work too, but I, I think, no, I, I so agree with you and I have, I mean, and I've like, I've been journaling since I was a kid. I have all my journals

Andrea: Oh, I

Francesca: going back. It's like going back in time. I even have the, I have the notes that.

my friends [00:44:00] and I used to write to each other in like junior high school and high school.

Like I've got

Krista: Now, did you physically save them or

Francesca: physically saved them. Actually, I literally, this, I'm not even kidding. I have,

Krista: all folded so special? They're in a really special

Francesca: this tin

is filled with

Andrea: your notes.

Francesca: from high school.

Andrea: This is so good.

Francesca: I have

Andrea: Well, clearly we're going to have to share a full video because we have to make sure that everybody can see your special box full of

Francesca: and then this one, this is more letters, also foreign money, but this is like letters. And cards, and notes.

like, going

Krista: my gosh.

Francesca: to the 80s.

Like, it's,

Andrea: good.

Krista: That is so cool.

Andrea: I

Francesca: What my boyfriend gave me for Valentine's Day was the only thing I wanted, which was a love letter in the mail. And that's what I got.

Krista: Oh, I love that.

Andrea: Oh, my

Krista: Oh, that's so beautiful.

Andrea: made me, [00:45:00] I just thought when you said that, do you remember, I think it was in New York that this started, do you remember PostScript Secret?

Francesca: Oh

Andrea: that, that movement?

Francesca: that. Yes. And you could just anonymously.

Andrea: It started with, it started with physical, people could send in on anything they wanted, Handwritten or they could cut out words from a newspaper to make up a phrase or story or, but it was always that people were able to share their secrets and it was a completely anonymous. So they'd be posted.

And those secrets would be on a piece of whatever, and it would, it would share people's deepest secrets because it was taking it out of their head and putting it somewhere where it now lived. And for some reason, that was [00:46:00] so cathartic to people, that their secret was out there, and that people now saw that secret.

That post secret became Quite big for many years and then it actually became digital so I think if you look it up you can still find post secret and it was so moving because the things that people shared are the most vulnerable. Arguably, like, because everybody has intrusive thoughts sometimes because that's just being human, but like dark thoughts or like things that people would say, you're an awful person for thinking that, or you did that thing that makes you a bad person, like these secrets were everything, um, and it was so powerful because the whole kind of just general exercise was you.

Giving people relief, giving people a sense of taking it out of their own

Francesca: Unburdening themselves.

Andrea: it [00:47:00] somewhere. Yeah.

Krista: Yeah. I think we could all use a lot of that right

Yeah. That permission, Just to release your thoughts and know that it's okay that no one's going to judge you for what you've said or how you feel.

Andrea: Permission. It's such a good word.

Krista: Franny, you talked about, um, that feeling of loving yourself first and Again, I'm going to bring it back to the state of the world today, and I'm not going to get political at all, but what I will say is that you, your writing has inspired me to just care and, love a little bit more for the people around us because We're all so sensitive and we're all so emotional.

And I think we spend so much time, holding ourselves together and holding it in. And, I love that meet cute mindset of, of just. Bringing that into the world. I'm wondering if you can share just a little bit and, uh, and, and then maybe we can [00:48:00] start to, wrap it up a little bit if, if that's where we're going, but I, I'd love you to share a little bit about that because when I read it, I just, I thought, wow.

That's really special and I think if everyone could just take a little bit of that and put it into their life every day, this world would be so much more beautiful and a bit more calm, a bit more loving, caring. Do you want to share a little bit about that?

Francesca: Oh,

Andrea: Can I layer on to,

Krista: Oh, please.

Andrea: on just one little element that I would love to ask if you can weave, I've drawn so much out of this conversation as it relates to this work that Krista and I are doing as we bring Half Betty to life

And you used the word, decolonizing our brain, right? Taking away something that has been put in place, a narrative, a way of behaving, And one of the things that we feel is so much. the core of Half [00:49:00] Betty is moving away from an existing narrative that by midlife we, as women, are not, as bright, as beautiful, as strong, as capable, as, rebellious, it's really helping to tell the stories of women in their mid lives to highlight that the narrative is going to change, we are going to be part of that change, and I would be curious if you would draw on something that's really been a moment for you from this midlife chapter that you can tie into the beautiful question that Krista asked

Francesca: Yes. Yes. Oh my goodness. Oh, this is so good. This is so good.

Krista: Aww.

Francesca: Um, okay. So Krista, um, I, I'm so glad to hear you say that about the meet cute [00:50:00] mindset and, and really for me, a larger theme and everything, which is that like, I, I really do have a vision for a world that is more loving and, you know, the opposite of love is fear. And if you think about how much fear is dominating everything, just how much of how we operate and that's just how we've operated, as humankind up until now.

And I think that we're at a point where we are at the, we are being confronted with. The limits of operating from fear, right? And so for all of us who see, we see that. And, and, and, and, and this, yes, and, and, you know, politically and all geopolitically what's happening in the world right now is terrifying.

Um, but even in the world of dating and of relationships, so much fear has been dominating for so long. People are operating from [00:51:00] a place of fear. and that's when they're trying to manifest love. And they're trying to do it from the opposite of love, right? and we add that on to the fact that the way, so much of how we interact with each other now is so siloed and there's so much digital interaction.

And when it comes to dating, people are equating dating with being on a dating app. Right. Um, and it's like, Oh, and I've got these friends, but you only communicate on social media. And so we, those of us who care and Andrea, to your point, like, I think part of the wisdom, right, of being these sensitive, intelligent, wise women who have seen enough life now to know like this, nobody's going to swoop in just like the prince is not going to come riding in on a white horse and take you away from your pain and misery and you get to never have pain and misery ever again.

we have to save ourselves. And so who is going to lead this charge starting to operate from a place [00:52:00] of love and being intentional about operating from a place of love instead of a place from fear. So, you know, in the book I talk about what I call the meet cute mindset because I really want people to have romantic agency and not feel as if though the only way I can meet somebody is if I sign up for a dating app and swipe into the void for weeks or months and maybe I'll get lucky and meet someone like let's like, no, hold on.

Love is bigger than that. But we do need to. We need to operate in the world differently, right? So we do need to recognize each other's humanity. We do need to recognize that every time you leave the house, you have the potential to meet someone special. Um, you know, you do need to start to open yourself up in real life to other humans.

because that's how we can actually see each other's humanity. And we can start making connections that are beyond these limitations and, these silos that we've placed ourselves in right now. So I think that, again, when it comes to dating, I want people to have that mindset.

I want them to be comfortable with talking to [00:53:00] a stranger or making eye contact or saying hello or giving a compliment and doing these things that is just like, Oh, wait, I'm a human in the world. There's other, wherever other humans are, there exists the possibility of connection. And so if you go through life with that, with that awareness, even if, it doesn't mean you have to try to be friends with everybody, but at least to look for those moments.

like when you're ordering your coffee, you could actually look at the person who's making it or who's taking your order. it doesn't take much. Like if you want to just challenge yourself and be like, Oh, I just want to go to the world and see how many smiles can I elicit.

Krista: I love that. Like, just collect some smiles. I'm

Francesca: how many people can I make smile today. right? if that was just a little experiment, you wanted to do, it would be really fun, And, and there's some people that you'd smile at and they'd be confused and they would look at you like, why is this crazy person smiling at me?

But who cares, For all the people who were able to receive that. And, like, imagine if people had, more people had that desire [00:54:00] to move through the world in a way that is more loving. Because that is what makes the world a better place. So I agree. I think that flirting makes the world a better place. I

have a whole chapter on flirting in the book. Um,

Andrea: should be de stigmatized that it's somehow related to

Krista: More.

Andrea: yeah,

it's like getting to dance. It's like getting to move and show up in your whole self it's like performance in the most authentic way.

Krista: Mmm.

Francesca: I'm going to deputize you as one of my flirting evangelists, Andrea.

Andrea: Okay, okay.

Francesca: I agree. I mean, the reason there's a whole chapter about flirting is because there's different purposes of flirting. There's different styles of flirting. There's different layers to flirting, right? So the way that you flirt with a stranger in line at the supermarket is probably.

Going to be different than how you flirt with your partner who you've been with for 20 years, right? But, [00:55:00] um, but, you know, the way that I define flirting is just at its core It's words or actions that are designed to make another person feel seen, special, and acknowledged.

Andrea: Mmm, how wonderful.

Krista: beautiful.

Andrea: that supports this idea that it's not somehow, it's not somehow. I don't know, I just

Francesca: it's not, it's

Andrea: gotten such a bad rap.

Francesca: just a come, it's not just a come on, right? Like there's different, there's different

Krista: and it doesn't have to be demanding.

Francesca: It's not demand and there's, there's Totally. different styles of flirting. There's different purposes. Yeah. when we think about flirting, we think of, we think of Blanche, we think of Blanche Devereaux,

hero. I consider myself to be a Dorothy with a Blanche rising. Um, I'm a Dorothy Sun, Blanche rising. Um,

Krista: I love that.

so

Francesca: uh, shout out to Shawnee Silver for giving me the idea of a golden girl's astrology chart,

Andrea: Oh my

Francesca: but anyway,[00:56:00]

Andrea: That's amazing.

Francesca: um, actually Shani, sorry, I mispronounced her name. but you can always layer onto that desire if that's

what you feel, sometimes you want to flirt with somebody because you do desire them and you want them to know that.

That's an amazing reason when that is appropriate But sometimes you're just like, I'm just going to make this person's day. I'm going to put a smile on this person's face. You could, as a straight woman, you can flirt with a gay man. It doesn't mean, you know, you know, like there's no attachment to the outcome.

Right. it is really just about Seeing these opportunities for connection and understanding that there is skill involved

Andrea: Mm hmm.

Francesca: more you're skilled at that, then the more easily it all flows. And

Krista: you know, it also, I think happens when you have these moments and you connect eyeball to eyeball is there's an energy exchange,

Andrea: Oh, for sure. A hundred percent.

Francesca: That's why it feels vulnerable. That's why people don't want to do

Krista: yes.

Andrea: right. That's right. Have you ever done that exercise? I [00:57:00] don't know

it's one of these moments, Krista, like,

Krista: Mm

Andrea: what I mean by that is the goose bump moment, because it was, to me, a core memory, if it's from that movie, where every core memory becomes like a little, a little marble, um,

Krista: Yeah. So good.

Andrea: was a core memory, because

Krista: Hmm.

Andrea: I was like, with the person I was with, and I remember every detail of his face, I don't know his name, but for some reason after staring at him for one minute, both he and I had tears running down our faces.

And there was a complete exchange, Krista, of, of our stories, of our humanity, of who we were without saying a single word. And there was a connection. There was a, there was an alliance or an allegiance or a bonding that happened in one minute that was [00:58:00] so powerful and so, yeah, like, phones down, eyes up and, just the whole idea of making connection through you.

Small, little adjusted moments is just so, it's such a good reminder because we just, myself too, I forget how powerful those kinds of things are. I've gotten better because I've gotten older and I'm more reflective,

Francesca: Yes. We getting, we are getting so, much better

Andrea: so so much better. So tell us, speaking

Francesca: pay me to go back. Um, you know, I knew, I knew that you were going to say that every, that people were crying cause I, I've done that actually in the last time I did that was just last fall. I

did it at an event and um, the woman who was my partner, she was crying by the end. yeah. Um, and, but, but, but it really makes you think, what would happen if all of our members of Congress had to do that?

Krista: Oh Yeah.

Francesca: What would happen if, [00:59:00] all of the political leaders of the world had to do that? They had to stand and they had to face each other and they had to look at each other's eyes

Krista: Mm. hmm.

Francesca: for, uh, for a minute, saying nothing.

what would happen if, just the general population of people, everybody had to do that, and do that with somebody who you might assume that you disagree with, or you don't have anything in common with, or, you know, because that's the thing. It's like, we are so in our own heads and our own narratives that we have forgotten that we are all actually human and we need each other.

Andrea: And we can hide behind, it's so easy to be unkind, unfeeling, disconnected when we're behind screens, words that get sent out digitally, messages that we post on social media, like many people can opt to become the worst versions of themselves in that moment because they don't have that physicality, [01:00:00] that human connection point, which would completely erase the ability for so many people to be unkind.

Francesca: We, we know that there's no such thing as an internet troll who has a loving home. it's such a reflection. And these things really do show us how powerful.

love is. When we see what happens in the absence of it, in the absence of it being practiced and being expressed,

That whole situation, that whole person's life could change just by experiencing a little bit more love. literally, it's changed the world, saved the world.

Andrea: Franny, maybe land us with. Something that you feel in, in this last number of years in your midlife that you can see as being a transformative moment or a catalyst of a shift for you.

Francesca: Oh my gosh. I mean, so many things. Actually, I'm remembering now that one of my five words was introspective because

Andrea: yes. it was.

Francesca: so.

Andrea: Yeah.

Francesca: So I think for, for those of us who are [01:01:00] introspective, that Transformation is like a Tuesday, you know what I mean?

Krista: Oh my gosh. That's brilliant.

Andrea: That's the title. Transformation is a Tuesday,

Francesca: So last year, 2024 was one of the most eventful years of my life. Um, it also happened to be the year I turned 50 in November. Um, and I started the year. Beginning of 2024, living in LA, with my boyfriend, our dog, we'd been together for years, we had a beautiful life, and I was like, this is my life.

This is great. I was grateful every day. However, I also did have this deeper knowing that as much as I loved my partner and as much as the years that we'd been together, had been so amazing and transformative for me in so many ways. And there's no way I would have gotten [01:02:00] through COVID without him.

but I had to also recognize that I did not feel that he was my forever partner. Um, but I also had a book to write called How to Find True Love.

Andrea: Wow.

Francesca: I was, and I started 2024 saying, well, what I'm not going to do is break up with him and blow up my whole life while I'm in the middle of writing this book. Cause that's what I'm not going to do. I was so clear about that. I'm sure I wrote it in a journal or three.

and also there was nothing that was acutely wrong, I was lulled into complacency by the fact that we had this great life and everything was so easy and da da da and the routine or whatever. So, um, the universe, you know, I think that it, it laughs at us and it blesses us at the same time.

Andrea: Oh my gosh. that's another great quote.

Francesca: And it was like, okay, guess what you are going to do. You are going to end this relationship and you can't just put this on the back burner and pretend that you can deal with this at a [01:03:00] year from now and that all hit me very suddenly, very unexpectedly.

Um, I think again, I, I, I did it to myself by writing this book because yes, very powerful.

Um, and I wound up meeting someone else and I, and I felt from the very day that I met him and I still feel it now that I unlocked a new level of love and I, um, Um, yeah, a lot of things happened. So I decided that I am moving to Paris, which is what I'm doing later this year. um,

Krista: Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh,

Francesca: I gave it my whole life in LA. I left everything behind all of my furniture, all of my, you know, I have like a very small storage unit with some key things. Everything else is [01:04:00] gone. um, I just let go of everything. And, I'm stepping into this whole new chapter and adventure and relationship and, um, yeah, I mean, so,

Andrea: wow,

Francesca: how's that?

Andrea: So definitely more than one thing,

Krista: Yeah.

Francesca: And I finished the book and I finished the book and it's, all.

Andrea: book and it's and it's beautiful. Just like all the other parts of what you're doing.

Krista: Yeah, it's really special. Wow. Thanks for sharing that. That's, I hope that, that, you know, whoever's listening can, can hear that and. And, and hear the transformation and hear the safety in that of the letting go and getting it back,that feeling that can change for the better.

Mm.

Francesca: yeah, absolutely. No, it's definitely, it's something that this is luckily we're not in charge of the universe that [01:05:00] we try to pretend that we are, and we can control the timing of things. Um, you know, it's definitely something that. If at the beginning of, some magical being had come to me at the beginning of January last year, I've been like, okay, so here are all the things that are going to happen.

I would have been like, no, wait, hold on. I mean, some of that sounds really good, but not yet. And I'm not ready for that. And can we just, can we just do that in 2025 or 2026? Or like,

can

So yeah, so that's not how life works. And then I was like, oh, okay, this is happening. Oh,

well, here we go.

Here we

Andrea: cause earlier in the conversation I remember you saying, sometimes with love and with things, it's more about what you actually have to stop doing versus what you actually have to start doing. And that feels now full circle.

Francesca: Yes.

Andrea: what you're describing,

Francesca: it's not a Tuesday. I guess it's a

Krista: Someone that is listening right now, it's

Francesca: it's Tuesday.

Andrea: That's true. Oh my gosh, [01:06:00] Krista.

it's just wild how, themes kind of play out. Within each conversation and yet every conversation is unique to your point, which you said earlier, which I loved as well, and that is every single one of us is Entirely unique in this world and there will never be another one of us again And there never was one of us before and our stories are all equally as unique but within that then we can also know that There's also this common thread or thisthis connection that has us all still feeling like we're not entirely by ourselves.

We're unique, but we're not alone. So maybe that's, the piece.

Krista: So good.

Andrea: So

Francesca: I love it.

Krista: Franny, um, we're so glad we met you. I think this was all meant to be. Thank you for taking the time today in a, probably in a schedule. I hope that you go away and write in your journal. Don't miss, don't miss a beat [01:07:00] today.

Francesca: I won't. Don't worry. I already did my morning pages. There's more journal writing to come. Two more journal writing sessions.

Krista: good. Good. I don't want you to miss that. Um, so yeah. So thank you so much for your time today. We really appreciate you and all your offerings and all your lessons and the book that, uh, right now, currently I'm halfway through. I can't wait to finish it. Uh, tell us a little bit more about, um, where our listeners can find you, what's coming up for you and how they can connect with you.

of

Francesca: Oh, well, thank you so much, Krista and Andrea. I'm so happy to have met the two of you. And like I said, I really am so proud Of you. It's so exciting to see this podcast come to life and to actually be on it. I'm like, woo. I feel very,

Andrea: It was meant to happen.

Krista: Oh yeah.

Francesca: Oh, Thank you.

so much. Um, but you know me, I'm easy to find.

I have a podcast called Dear Franny. I'm Dear Franny on all the socials. FrancescaHogi. com is my website. It has lots of information And you know, ways [01:08:00] to get in touch. So, I'm out there. And my book

How to Find True Love, is, it'll be out April 8th.

So,

Krista: Go. Do not delay, friends. Do not

Andrea: It is such a

Krista: such a good book. It's so beautiful.

Andrea: Just a little sneak peek.

Krista: There's lots of snippets that we can take away. I do believe I have I found my true love, but I have gotten so much from this book already, so please, please don't, uh, don't delay. please go and find it. Yes! Yes, yes, yes! Um, and you can find us, Half Betty, Andrea, and Krista at halfbetty.

com. dot com on our website. Please feel free to follow us on wherever you get your podcasts, Apple, Spotify, we are everywhere and we want to hear from you. So you can send us a voicemail memo on our website and you can also just send us a review. We read all of them and we want to know how we can get better, what you're liking, how we can change things.

[01:09:00] Um, what's really, resonating with you. So please share and reach out. And we'll see you soon. Thanks for joining us, Franny, on the Half Betty Podcast.

Andrea: Thank you.

Francesca: Thank you.