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Krista: ~Get comfy. Okay, well, welcome to the Half Betty Podcast, a vibrant, inclusive community of women sharing stories of midlife. We aim to shift the narrative from focus on the decline of, I'm going to check that again.~ [00:00:00] Welcome to the Half Betty Podcast. A vibrant inclusive community of women sharing stories of midlife.

We aim to shift the narrative from focusing on decline to celebrating this chapter as the beginning of the best scene yet. We'll be in conversation with women in their midlifes to join us for comfortable open conversations with questions and curiosities to spark their stories about their midlife journey.

What we know these conversations will deliver are truths, sparks of insight, curiosity to learn more, self reflection, hope, laughter, and connection. Half Betty moments. I am so excited to introduce today someone very, very special. Our guest today has worked in theater, film, and TV. She's in the fitness industry and the educational system.

She's a performer, a teacher, A coach, a mentor, a mama, a wife, a daughter, and [00:01:00] a friend of mine for, I think, almost 25 years.~ I, I'm, I'm really excited to have Rhonda as a guest today. In the past, um, you know, ~Rhonda said she didn't really realize she was paving the road for other young people, and now she humbly accepts that this was her ~purpose,~ purpose.

~And~ it was not to be celebrated as an artist, but to allow herself to be a change maker and a guide. ~So Rhonda, I'm going to pass you over to Andrea, and Andrea is going to take it over from here.~

Rhonda: ~Awesome.~ Thank you so much for having me. I'm

Krista: I'm so glad you're

Andrea: We love it. We're thrilled.

Rhonda: to be here. And I love that this is about,~ like,~ women in their mid life, because it gives me hope. Because I'm thinking mid, if I'm 54, then maybe that means that I've got to, like, 100 and something,

Krista: yeah. Oh yeah.

Rhonda: place to put myself.

Instead of, ooh, got only about 20. Maybe 20, 25. We'll see. I don't

Andrea: ~You, you go for it. You go for it. This is the place.~

Rhonda: ~definitely, um, a wonderful way to look at it. And~ hopefully this show will inspire women who are crossing into that mid time to really dig in and sink in, ~like,~ I've heard expressions like this is our second, ~second mountain, right?~

Like

Andrea: Mm

Rhonda: it's the second point in our lives where we can do something and [00:02:00] pivot,~ right?~

Andrea: hmm. Mm hmm. That's right. Yeah. I love it. You've just said so many of the things that are so well received by women at this point in time.~ Like those words that you're using to describe, you know, a mountain, a pivot, um, a second scene, a new chapter, a fresh book. You know, a fresh perspective, a fresh lens.~

~Um, so much of that resonates.~ And that really is at the core of what Half Betty is about.~ It's about telling those stories, telling people's stories, um, that, you know, Perhaps we all, we all have them women in their midlifes, every person, actually, I'm going to even take it beyond women in their midlifes.~

~All people have their stories, um, and all people's stories are important. ~What we recognized with Half Betty is that, ~um,~ there has been for a very long time, ~as there are with so many things,~ a bit of a narrative around women as they get older,~ and for a very long time, as women approach that midlife. ~That period of time between, you know, 35, ~40,~ 60, somewhere in that space, that ~in fact,~ women are, ~you know,~ now declining.

Now they're ~kind of softer,~ not as fast, not as strong, ~perhaps~ not as capable. ~Perhaps they're tired, perhaps they're, uh, you know, not sharp. Perhaps, all the perhapses.~ That's been part of that story for so long. And I think, ~you know,~ what we recognize collectively. ~And we all are recognizing it. Um,~ is that that is all perhaps not true.

In fact, it's very different. It's a very different story, but we haven't had a place ~maybe~ [00:03:00] where all of those stories are coming to life and getting shared. ~So other women are hearing the stories that they relate to and they're saying, Oh, my gosh, we all have this story. ~When we harness all of our stories together and all of the wicked power that we've got together, wicked not in the bad way, but in the amazing way, when we put that all together, we're unstoppable.

So we need that place to put it all together and to feel those little shivers when somebody says something that we relate to so deeply and now we know we're building this community that's going to be a change maker community. ~Um, and you know,~ I love that you're a change maker. And ~I~ maybe can start there ~with, with,~ with you.

Krista: ~Do we want to do the five words, Andrea?~

Andrea: ~Yeah, we do. Oh, Rhonda, would you mind if we jump into some five words?~

Rhonda: ~No, I I, but I was just gonna comment on~

Andrea: ~Yeah, please.~

Rhonda: ~as, um, uh,~ how women were perceived maybe even 50 years ago. ~So I'm definitely,~ my 50 is definitely not My mom's 50, though. My mom's 50 was pretty dang good. ~Like my~

Andrea: ~Yeah.~

Rhonda: ~looked amazing,~

Krista: ~Yeah.~

Rhonda: when she was 50. Um, she was a young 50.

And I think one of the things ~that, um,~ we can't ignore is that your body. Does decay ~your body is actually for lack of better words dying and so um~ I always tell my clients when we're working. It's like what you do from the time that you were young Right up into your 40s is you [00:04:00] are working to Make sure that all of the beautiful things that your body has, that you can maintain it.

And when you get into your late forties, fifties, sixties, it's all maintenance. It's this, there's no building, like you see all these ~crazy ~people selling these things ~on,~ on the line saying, if you take this and all of a sudden you're going to be ripped. And you see these pictures of these ripped older women and you're like, no, they were ripped before.

Um, that's not going to be exactly your journey, which is. But that I think there has to be some acknowledgement that, yes, our bodies are going to definitely go through some changes. And I think what we need to start doing is presenting those changes in a way that are positive so that we don't start to feel like, oh, man, we're falling apart because this is happening.

This is happening. ~This is happening. Um,~

Krista: All those things that people have been telling us for years. Right?

Rhonda: sure. I'm~ like ~looking at my own chin on here and going, what's happening? ~But like, I,~ I feel like ~that, that~ [00:05:00] those little small changes, ~um, ~they are happening so rapidly and then they start to, ~you know, ~Even out. So I feel like in your 50s, you're going to find there's a lot of changes that are happening physically,~ uh,~ and then ~those, ~those things that you have done already to help your body be well, that will all start to kick in and even out.

I hear 60s a great time, ~uh, 50s is when you're,~

Krista: ~All right.~

Rhonda: ~is when, yeah, I heard, I heard~

Andrea: ~Yeah, I'm in.~

Rhonda: ~at that point, it. All of the, all of the things, right?~ So for instance, Krista, you're a dancer, I'm a dancer. So all of those sort of arthritic issues that are going to come up from all the crazy things that we've done with our bodies in the past, that starts to kick in.

And then once that kicks in, you're like, okay, I know I'm dealing with you. I'm dealing with you and I'm dealing with you. There are no surprises now. And then you do, and you do those things that help to, um, maintain and keep your body and mind healthy. So that is what I try to, ~um, not preach, but~ talk to my clients about because a lot of my clients, ~I~ started out being in our 30s and 40s, but now they're in [00:06:00] their 40s and 50s.

So ~we have to look at different things, right?~ We have to look at different things that help you feel good about you.

Krista: ~I think that~

Andrea: ~I love~

Krista: ~maintaining is so important. It's so important and it's not something, you know, we, uh, it's not something that I think about as in, in that context, right? It's just like, oh, how do I get better? How do I change?~ When you, when you put it that way, maintaining ~is, is,~ is so good.

Rhonda: it's like when you have a beautiful vintage car, ~right?~ Those beautiful cars that you go to see at those,

Krista: ~Oh, yeah.~

Rhonda: ~fairs where they have like the old cars~

Krista: Car shows. Yeah.

Rhonda: shows exactly. And then you're like, Look at how beautiful that looks. Well, that's because somebody has put the oil in it.

They've made sure that the paint has been done. ~They're,~ they're filling air in the tires. ~They're,~ they're maybe running it a little bit so that it doesn't, ~you know,~ lose steam. And that's the way I look at a body.~ It's like,~ You've got to fuel it with the right foods. You've got to exercise. You've got to take it out a little bit and make sure the things still can move and shake so that things don't get stiff and, and stuck.

All of that is really important. And it really is, this is what you're doing in your later years. And when people get injured and, ~um,~ have really bad,~ um, ~incidences that happen when they're working with a trainer~ or something, I'm like, it's like, well, what were you, you know,~ What was the trainer asking you to do?

And then how much [00:07:00] responsibility do you have to make sure that you know what your body is capable of and that you actually say, you know what, ~actually, um, ~I don't think I want to throw that tire, ~right? Like~ I'm good. Can we just do a chest press or something? I don't really need to throw it. It's just making sure that some of the trends, understanding some of the trends.

Andrea: Yeah, yeah,

Rhonda: what you need for your body. They're valuable for other people, but maybe that's not~ just ~what you need. And it's about finding that thing that you want to do for a long period of time that's going to make you feel great when you're finished. You might be ~like~ mad at me while I'm working with you, and that's okay because some things we don't like to do.

But you have to be able to find something that gives you joy when you do it. I love to move my body and when I can't move my body, it puts me in a, and I realized so much of that has to do with who I am and what I need ~as a, as a,~ as a [00:08:00] person. I'm a

Andrea: ~Mm hmm, mm hmm,~

Krista: And you always have been. That's been a huge part of your life.

Rhonda: a huge part of my life since I was very little since I've watched my own father He would come home from work and that's where I got my inspiration from He would come home from working long shifts and ~he would make sure he'd go down to his little workout room Where he made his own weights like he had his so we don't know what weight they were but he made his own weights And that's what he would do.~

We'd go downstairs after work. He'd do his 30 minutes. I would watch my mom do ~like~ the 20 minute workout. ~This is back in the 80s, um, 70s and 80s, a 20 minute workout.~ But there was always this messaging that I had that it's important to take care of your facility because no one else is going to do it for you.

~There is no magic pill. I don't care what all these people are saying online. You do this for two minutes and take this. There's no, the only magic pill that I know of right now is Ozempic, and that was very, that was made for a very specific reason, and it's been transformed into something else. But even with that, they still recommend you do muscular conditioning three times a week, or else that same pill or injection will decrease your muscle mass, um, a lot,~

Krista: ~That's scary. That's~

Rhonda: ~And it's very scary. And I know people that have been on it and that have seen a decrease in their body weight, but then also a loss of, of mass muscle tissue. And that's why it's recommended that you do muscular conditioning. So some people ignore that part and it causes a lot of issues. So. There is really no magic pill.~

~If you want your body to be your friend, you have to do something to encourage that body to move, uh, to stay agile, um, to keep the strength so you can actually, um, feel empowered and, and pick up things without feeling like you're going to fall over. And then I always say you need to find something that makes you jam, that makes you feel like you wanna,~

Krista: ~The type of~

Rhonda: ~dance.~

~Exactly. Like some, that's why~ some people love yoga, but I always recommend that if you're doing yoga, you still need to do something that helps to strengthen your muscles, especially if you're a woman, because we lose our mass so much faster.

Andrea: ~Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Mm hmm.~ Yeah. Um, I could go down this path for the next number of hours and just get all of your

Krista: I know.

Andrea: And ~I'm actually working really hard to pull myself to a place where I'm going to like circle us back and~ I'm going to jump into asking you,~ um,~ if you wouldn't mind. ~Um,~ sharing with us five [00:09:00] words, ~and you know what, break the rules if that's your jam because I'm all about breaking rules a little bit here and there.~

~Um, but five words, uh,~ that you feel really describe who Rhonda is. ~Um, if you were to capture Rhonda in five words, what would those five words be? And, I'm gonna, like, I'm gonna also, like, just put a little asterisk and say, you're not married to these, these are not going anywhere, where everybody else is gonna be judging your five words, if you need to change them down the road, you can.~

This is meant to be fun,

Krista: ~And it's just off the top of your head. You don't have~

Andrea: Just off the top of your head.

Rhonda: Okay. So, the first, ~um,~ one that I'm striving to be, and I think that I am, is kind. ~Uh,~ as I become older. ~Uh, I~ That is one thing that is important to me. I've actually seen the results of when somebody is quite aggressive or not so kind to you, when you turn to them with kindness, how that flips the script very quickly.

And I've also seen the result of when hot Rhonda, ~um, gets,~ gets a little too hot ~and, and,~ and what the result of that is. And I like the kind version so much better. So, I, when I'm approaching somebody and I can see that they're having a really bad day, especially in customer service, ~um,~ I tend to be kind and just say, well, how's your day going?

And, and immediately you see, ~uh,~ people soften and, They appreciate [00:10:00] that, that little olive branch of ~like,~ thanks for seeing me today. ~I, so that's one thing that, um, I really, really, really want to be. And I think that I'm becoming, or maybe some people would say that I'm kind, um, but kind~ kindness is one,

Andrea: Wonderful.

Rhonda: uh, resilient

Krista: Mm.

Rhonda: would be

Krista: Mm. Mm.

Rhonda: ~uh,~ I've gone through very many different things in my life, as far as my journey to become a performer, ~uh,~ just living in Brantford, Ontario is one of the only like black families that was that took a lot of resilience, ~um,~ uh, having my daughter, um, I had multiple miscarriages.

So, Ocean is my one and only, but I'm so grateful that I let go and let God because she wouldn't be here if I didn't. ~Uh,~ that was a journey in itself, and for many women who don't talk about it because there's so much shame around , which for me Over the years, I've kind of thought, ~like, man,~ if we had more conversations about this, then our medical profession might dive a little deeper than just go, well, here, we're going to give you [00:11:00] this, and this is going to help you, maybe figuring out what's really going on in the body that stops a person from being able to, ~uh,~ have a child naturally, but I

Andrea: Mm hmm.

Rhonda: I kind of was like, you know what, if I'm not meant to have a baby, then, ~you know,~ I'll find other ways to embrace motherhood, whether it be through my teaching or, you know, ~other,~ other people in my life.

And then I found out a few weeks later, I was already pregnant. So it was just kind of this weird, ~um,~ universe intervention. Cause that was one thing I've always wanted to be was a mom. ~And that was one~

Andrea: Oh, that gave me shivers.

Krista: Mm.

Rhonda: ~when I had, that opportunity and that that gift was given to myself and my husband.~

~Um, uh, I was,~ I felt like the luckiest person in the world. And even when I now have my, my 16 year old daughter, and even when things are feeling a little bit tricky, I pull myself back into those moments and I remind myself how difficult it was. And how resilient she was to ~A)~ choose [00:12:00] me to be the guide ~that little soul chose me to be the guide~ and then that little soul fought~ also ~to be here in this body that was struggling to maintain a pregnancy.

So I always say you're super strong when she feels at times where she's not. I'm like you are because.

Andrea: You're

Rhonda: know

Krista: firsthand.

Rhonda: I know your beginnings. Uh, so that would

Krista: Mm.

Rhonda: two. Um, three, ~uh, I,~ I say that I'm an advocate because I do stand up for things that I believe in. ~Uh,~ there have been times where~ I think sometimes that ~The ability to talk about something that I believe in makes people feel a little bit away about it.

Um, so there might be somebody who might think that that's me being a diva or, ~um, ~being aggressive.

Krista: ~Mm. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Mm hmm.~

Rhonda: are often told when they speak their mind that they're being aggressive. ~Um, And I, ~and I've had to flex that muscle at times, ~uh,~ where I didn't feel comfortable doing it, but it [00:13:00] was necessary to do and has made lots of change for other people.

~Um,~ I'm going to try to tell this little story ~without, um, Uh, just because, you know, these, I don't want the Have Betty podcast all of a sudden to have somebody call in and saying, you got to erase this. So,~ we'll just say, a musical that I was in,

Krista: ~mm mm.~

Rhonda: ~um,~ they had a lot of learning to do when it came to, ~um,~ diversity and, ~uh,~ the, ~um, they sort of~ differences in skin tone and hair texture and how to handle that.

~And I was one of the people, myself and there was two other people who were very involved, that stood up and said to them that this was necessary for us to be able to do our job properly and for us not to hurt ourselves in the process. And that was a I think the biggest, like, there are always other little moments where I've stood up, um, and was an advocate, but I felt that that was the one that was the most public.~

~Um, and~ recently, ~um,~ I've noted that they've had a lot of changes in how they do things ~in their casts~ now 20 years which is beautiful to know, even how ~they,~ they, ~uh,~ write, ~Uh,~ the contracts for the dancers, singers, and actors for that particular show, that's even changed as to what they could do to our personal appearance and that sort of thing.

So, to know that,~ uh, that~ I ~was,~ had a little bit of a part in that, that is, ~uh, uh, ~really important to me.~ But that advocacy didn't start when my, in my adult years. Um, I can, ~now this story is ~a little bit deep. deeper and ~a little bit hard to tell, but I'm going to try. ~Um,~ when I was in ~my public, my~ elementary school, [00:14:00] and for a lot of kids, ~and probably, maybe,~ you'll remember, ~um,~ reading a book called, ~um, and you can beep it out if you have to,~ Huckleberry Finn.

Krista: Mm.

Rhonda: ~So, um, ~this book was used that's it. That's it. That's it. all the time in our schools. It was general reading, but the language in the book, ~um,~ for me, was questionable because there was one particular n word in that book that was used quite frequently and I was in grade seven. ~I'll never remember. Oh, I'll never remember.~

I remember it completely. ~Um,~ Sitting in the classroom and every single time that word was used, the kids in the class would laugh and I was sitting there feeling Not shame. I don't even think it was shame, anger?

Andrea: Mm-hmm . Mm-hmm

Rhonda: The first time I had heard that word was in grade two, I think, and I didn't know what it meant, and I had to ask my parents what that word meant, and I remember the pained look on my dad's face when I asked him that he had to explain what it meant and Basically said, don't let [00:15:00] anybody call you that word

Krista: Mm hmm. Mm

Rhonda: Um, and then I'm sitting in a classroom and having to hear that word during the English class, because they would have to read the book aloud. So that was part of our English. So at the end of class one day, I just got up my courage and I said, ~Um, Mr., I'm going to say his name, Mr. Stamper,~ I don't want to sit in this class anymore and listen to that book.

I would rather, if you want me to read the book, that's fine. But ~can I,~ can I take the book to the library? If you're going to read the book aloud, that's fine, but I don't want to do it. And.

Krista: ~And you were~

Rhonda: ~can't even believe ~I was in grade seven when I did. Now I think about that now and I think, wow, I, I had some kahunas, but, um, but my teacher said, you will do no such thing.

And sent me to the office

Krista: ~What?~

Rhonda: and then they called my parents and they called my parents. Well, my dad came in and to the teacher and he ~basically laid a strip and he into this man and ~said, how do you think my daughter feels sitting in a classroom, listening to a [00:16:00] word that is so derogatory and ~so, uh, in the way that it's being used, ~it does not make her feel like she belongs, like she is, ~uh,~ important, like she is a human being.

And then you punish her for telling, you how she felt. Um, so ~basically~ after that conversation, uh, I was in the library reading the book, ~but, but that was the first time that I really felt, you know, there's, there are other times where I've had to stand up for myself, for my family, for my brother in those ways.~

But I think that was the first time that I questioned authority in a way that, ~um,~ made ~people,~ adults kind of step back and listen.

Krista: hmm.

Rhonda: Um, I don't think it really changed what was happening in the classroom as far as what people read, but I do know ~that~ that book is not really a book that you would bring into a classroom anymore, ~um,~ because it doesn't serve all the students that are in the classroom, unless you're going to actually talk about the history behind it,

Krista: And use it as a tool.~ But still. Do we?~

Rhonda: that wasn't happening. So advocacy, I think, is really important. It has its place, and I'm not a yeller. I'm a talker. So I, I like to have conversation and I don't want to blame people or [00:17:00] shame people. I just want to have conversation and then get people to understand and see where I'm coming from and how maybe they could see it from a different point of view.

I think the,

Andrea: Mm-hmm

Rhonda: exactly, and the latest part of advocacy would be my work that I did with Healthy Dancer Canada ~and, um,~ We formed ~sort of~ a BIPOC advocacy working group, which helped, ~uh, dancers, ~young dancers, emerging performers of color, ~um,~ have~ just a little bit of, um, not income, but~ an honorarium to ~sort of~ help them produce some of the work because about 90 percent of the work that was being produced from young performers were not of any performers of color at all.

So, ~uh, ~the,~ the, the,~ point of doing that and I don't want to say this in a way to say like we should try to equal things out that way because I don't think that's going to happen at

Andrea: Yeah.

Rhonda: ~Um,~ I think it was more or less a way to ~sort of~ help bring attention to ~the,~ the things that are happening ~and,~ and Healthy Dancer Canada has other scholarships that are available as well for young [00:18:00] dancers ~and,~ and, ~Actually~ performers in general, but I think that this was just ~sort of~ in response to what was happening, and it ~actually~ opened my eyes to a lot of things that were not happening in Ontario as far as way that the councils were deciding what groups would get funding.

So it was a great way to ~sort of~ help encourage that a little bit. And then as an adjudicator, I speak a lot, ~um,~ on stages about the importance of letting dancers come into a room as their full selves. And as something as small and silly as tights and shoes, those are small things that help a dancer, ~uh,~ feel like they can be in a room as a whole. And for so many years, I never did this because my dance teacher would just say, Rhonda, those tights look ridiculous. Go get a couple pair of nylons, double them up, and wear those as your tights. Right? That's what she would do. But I'm very surprised that so many teachers across this great country [00:19:00] do not do that.

They are dancers that are, my complexion, are wearing beige tights and beige shoes. ~And I'm like,~ you're not fooling anybody. We can still see their face. So if you want that dancer to not grow up believing that her body, her skin, her hair, or his body, his skin, his hair, does not need to be on stage next to yours, then continue doing what you're doing.

But if you believe that every child should have that same feeling, that same joy, that same, ~uh, uh,~

Krista: Freedom. Yeah. Confidence.

Rhonda: confidence that they lack, and you can see it, when they're forced to put on hair extensions or wear these tights and they're standing literally in their body but not in their

Krista: ~They're not there.~

Rhonda: So I talk gently because so many people ~get really offended or, um, uh, they~ feel the shame of it and then they get very offended.

~Right. So instead of hearing it and going, Ooh, Hey, you know what? Yeah, I didn't, when I was,~ I'm still a dance teacher. And when I create [00:20:00] pieces for somebody, or when I work with students who are Asian or white or black, I don't go, Hey, everybody, I wore brown tights. So you're going to wear brown tights. ~You know what I mean?~

~Like nobody looks at it from the back. I have all these little blonde girls just in brown tights from the, from the waist down were brown. Because that's how I did it, right? Like,~

Krista: ~you imagine? Yeah.~

Rhonda: ~but nobody ever thinks about it in that way, so I, through humor, I try to get everyone to see perhaps where they might have taken a wrong turn somewhere and how we can get back.~

~And people question all the time, well, the lines don't look the same when all the legs don't look the same. I'm like, people. Are we really still there? Like that's such a traditional and old way of looking at bodies. Um, that's just like saying we need to find everybody that's five, seven, and we'll keep everybody that's five, seven, everyone else go~

Krista: ~Yeah. You're not~

Rhonda: ~don't do that anymore. So we have to find a ways to get around. So these are the types of things that I like in the dance world that I like to advocate for. And, um, when I work with kids, I try to. Yeah, I want people to feel confident in their own skin. That was something I, I didn't feel.~

Krista: ~Oh my gosh. Yeah.~

Rhonda: ~something I~

Andrea: ~a sense of belonging, right? Like, yeah, yeah, absolutely.~

Rhonda: ~So really important.~ So, ~I don't know. That was~ how many is that?

Krista: three

Andrea: ~That's three,~ that's three. So, we have kind, we have resilient, ~we heard, along with resilient,~ we heard strong, ~so we could play with those two because they're kind of a, a lovely package.~ And then we heard a lot about advocacy and being an advocate.

Um, so we've got three, maybe three and a half, kind of like a half Betty, but we've got a three and a half. ~Uh, you~

Rhonda: ~and a half.~

Andrea: ~um,~

Rhonda: sometimes~ I, I,~ I stay away from strong because I feel like in this package, sometimes when you hear strong, it means that. ~That~ I can just handle all kinds of things and that's not true. ~I, I am sensitive. It's one thing I do know about myself.~ I'm quite sensitive. ~Um, and it just means I care a lot about people and I care a lot about, I don't want to say what people think.~

~I'm not that person that says I'm just gonna do whatever I want.~ I care about the value that I bring into a room, and I care whether or not you feel my value. If you don't feel my value, ~then that,~ then that makes me feel like,~ ooh, do I need to, like,~ what do I need to do to make you see where I'm coming from?

So in that way,~ um,~ I care about what somebody [00:21:00] might think. Um, but as far as my strength physically, ~I,~ I would like to say that I at one point was really strong. As I'm getting older, I am watching that strength decrease, which is scary. But natural, ~right? I'm~

Andrea: ~right. What you, and what you talked about. Yeah. Yeah.~

Rhonda: ~Exactly. But, um,~ that's something that I have great pride in ~though,~ is that I can, ~that I, that I~ feel the strength in my body and that I can look strong.

~Um, but it's,~ And I can be strong willed, ~uh,~ but I'm not strong as far as, ~like,~ you can do whatever you want to me and I'm not going to crumble. I think that sometimes people think that that's a measure of strength and it's not. ~I'm not a doormat.~

Krista: hmm. We're human after all.

Rhonda: exactly, so that, so whenever I say strength and you always hear, I'm a black woman so strong and then it makes people also think differently about, well, how can we manipulate?

That strength, or how do we, does that mean I can just do this and that [00:22:00] person won't feel that?

Krista: Oh,

Rhonda: I want to, I wish I had to come up with a different word for strong. Determined?

Krista: I like that.

Andrea: ~a great word. Yeah, that's a great word.~

Rhonda: So that would be that. And then, um, sometimes I can be funny.

Krista: You're always funny

Rhonda: I can be funny.

Andrea: ~And,~

Rhonda: ~I can be~

Krista: and we all need

Andrea: ~and the, and the root we do,~ and the root of funny is fun. ~Right?~ So I love that there's that play of having fun, creating fun in the space that you're in bringing the fun to a moment, ~um,~ to add levity. To the appropriate times where humor and fun are so important to layer in. ~Um, so I, I feel the layer of fun and funny from you.~

~Um, and it, and~ it's so interesting because I hear it and I see it ~in your,~ in your body language and I see it in your smiles and ~they're like,~ there's this lovely cadence as you're telling stories,~ uh, where you share, uh, The story~ and then you layer in this moment of levity. ~And then I just, it's so, it's, it's really lovely because ~as a listener, ~you know, Krista and I, you know, hearing your stories for me,~ it just feels like this very beautiful, and maybe this is appropriate for you, [00:23:00] very beautiful dance where you tell the story, the way a dance ~almost.~

Is experienced where there's~ like~ moments of~ like ~high intensity, and then there's~ like~ the more like gentle moves ~that take you to the next move.~ And that's how it feels when ~you describe your stories, or when~ you're telling your stories, it feels very much like a dance. And so the fun is in there as that part of the dance that I really appreciate.

~So I love that you use that. That's lovely,~

Rhonda: ~Thanks. You can take the girl out of the theater, but you can't take the theater out of the girl. That's, that's the~

Andrea: ~And maybe you don't want to, maybe you don't want~

Rhonda: ~No.~

Andrea: ~right? Maybe you don't want to. Exactly. Rhonda, can I,~

Rhonda: ~translates.~

Andrea: ~yeah, it does. It's true.~ Can I take us ~to a, ~to a, another, ~um,~ place ~with, with really asking you to talk to me a little bit more around, maybe there was a time.~ In the last number of years, and you did touch on this at one point a little bit, but was there a time that you felt that was like a moment, ~um,~ a bit of a catalyst of either being really aware of something around your midlife?

Was there an event? Was there an experience? Was there a conversation? ~Was there anything that you feel? Um, you know, kind of stands out as what, what Krista and I were talking about is almost like this Half Betty moment where we had a moment where we realized that something was different or that we were thinking differently, or something occurred to us, or we had an experience. ~And ~I'll,~ I'll draw back to something that you said earlier, ~which I really, really loved, and I wanted to kind of unpack a little bit, and that was, you said, uh,~ when you had your 50th birthday, it was at the beginning of the pandemic, it was ~in 2020, November 28th,~ November 28th, 2020, you turned 50, and you had a really interesting perspective on what [00:24:00] 50 What 50 meant to you and ~what you felt like, um, in reflection, uh,~ what 50 had meant to your mom and what that looked like, but what was it going to mean to you and what was it going to look like for you moving forward?

Do you think maybe that birthday, ~maybe~ that number, ~um,~ was something that gave you pause or,~ or turned into ~something that made you ~behave differently,~ think about ~things differently, approach ~things differently?

Rhonda: oh, so there's something that's coming back very vividly. When I took my, ~um,~ 50th picture, I used to have very long braids and I had, ~um, basically, um,~ for the longest time had been having, I had braids in my hair. Um, my daughter had never seen me without having braids in my hair and I'd covered, ~um,~ My natural hair for my whole life.

~Basically, um, ~there was a point where ~actually, actually there was a point because that's not true where~ I had my big, I had a big fro. I think Krista knew me at that point, had a big fro and I was kind of rocking that and feeling great about myself and [00:25:00] I had left my hair like that. But when you have a baby, Often what happens is the hormonal shifts in the body can cause your hair to drop out.

So ~that shift had caused my, like~ I was brushing my hair, it was just coming out and I was like, I cannot watch this. So then I put braids in my hair and then I lost that confidence in myself. This is like my end of my thirties and going into my forties and I was just like, I'm just going to keep wearing the braids and then the braids became ~sort of like ~this little thing that happened with me and Tab Fitness.

It was ~my,~ my personal training studio. I was like the lady with the braids and the muscles. So then that became an identifying piece to who I was. And when I turned ~18,~ 50. ~My plan was, I was going to take,~ I was tired of that being the thing that was going to make people familiar with who I am. And I was starting to feel a little bit like an [00:26:00] imposter.

And I remember having this conversation with the friends of mine and talking about, I don't think I could ever take these braids out. ~Like,~ I just feel like I'm going to be, you know, Trapped in my, in my extensions for the rest of my life and, ~um,~ My friend said Rhonda, you're such a cute face. ~Why do you,~ why don't you ~just, why don't you~ just take them out?

It's the big deal and it was, it was a big deal Deal. And I, because I don't know if a lot of people know this, but for a lot of women, ~uh,~ your hair becomes the thing that ~you feel ~makes you feel a certain way. And so for black women, that's even, I feel like that intensifies because if you are trying to fit in and the idea of having that long flowy kind of hair makes you feel more like you fit in, then ~you.~

~You~ that becomes your identity and so I said at 50 man [00:27:00] cutting this shit off Right, I'm taking it out and so that's a pandemic happen and then all of the Hair salons were closed, ~like you couldn't find, ~you couldn't go to a hairdresser, so I had to wait two years, and then I did that, ~and this is how, it was like, I took,~ took down all the braids, cut my hair into this pixie cut, but I still wouldn't wear my hair as my natural curls,~ um, I, I blue dry it straight, and~ I was wearing it ~still~ straight, and not in its natural state.

So that was a big thing for me was saying like, world, I am 50 years old, and I feel like I'm still hiding behind something. I don't want to do that anymore. And it gave me permission, regardless of what anybody else was thinking, ~uh,~ to Go out and rock my [00:28:00] curls in a way that I felt I should, ~you know?~

Andrea: Yeah. Yeah.

Rhonda: big thing that was really bothering me was I was talking to young people about being authentic and being yourself and Rocking your curls and doing all of those things and I was still not doing

Krista: mm.

Rhonda: So, I was like, nah, no more.

Andrea: yeah.

Rhonda: time. It's time for me to be in my own skin and enjoying being in my own skin, regardless of what other people I thought were going to say. And, honestly, the exact opposite. opposite happened. ~You know,~ when I started to run my hair curly, they were like, Oh my God, your curls are so beautiful. We've been hiding this the whole time.

~And I would be~

Andrea: Oh my gosh.

Rhonda: it's weird how you do that. Right. Because you've become~ Sort of ~fixated on what you think people want you to be, or how people, especially when you're in ~an industry where you're in~ the entertainment [00:29:00] industry and you are constantly rolling with the trends and trying to fit into the standards that's created for you.

Krista: Yeah. Being judged too. ~Right? And being told~

Rhonda: judged. ~And also,~

Krista: ~being told what to do. Right? Like they know~

Andrea: ~Mm-hmm . Mm-hmm~

Rhonda: and the particular look, also we have to remember like, with hair, specifically black hair, going into certain spaces, without having the hair that looks more Caucasian, you are setting yourself up for possibly not getting hired for something, or somebody making an assumption about the kind of person you are.

person you are where you come from or your education. All of these things are all wrapped up into that one thing. And I was like, okay, well I just need to break away from that because I don't really want that for myself. And I don't want my daughter who has ~curly hair,~ beautiful, curly hair to, ~to,~

Krista: Hmm.

Rhonda: have that same sense about herself, and she was actually remember ~she was 30, ~she must have been 12 going on 13.

And she said, Mom, I've never actually seen your hair. [00:30:00] And I was like, what? What are you talking about? And she's like, you've had braids this whole time. My braids were her,~ um, what do you call it when somebody~

Andrea: ~Like a soother, like a security blanket.~

Rhonda: ~a~ soother, she would hold on to them and soak them when she was trying to

Krista: oh,

Rhonda: I was like, Okay, she doesn't need those anymore. So Rhonda, it's time to figure out ~where,~ what you are really standing for and being what you are saying you are, and not hiding behind, ~uh,~ something that you think people want to see. ~Um, so that was, that was, um, It was like ~when I cut my hair, it was a whole emotional process ~that happened when I did it in the salon.~

I was crying, uh, I was feeling so vulnerable ~and being felt.~ I was so open, like people can really see me, which says a lot about. Where I was and what I was thinking who I thought that I was being and who I wasn't really being so yes I had all those things. I was still kind. I was still strong. I still was an advocate I was still doing things, but there was still a part of [00:31:00] me that was hiding behind that It's an image of something I thought people wanted to see and then I made the decision to change it and be who I really feel I am.

And ~I even tried to like grow my hair again and like get poofy and I was like, no. It needs to stay short, but I think that was a huge~

Andrea: ~I love that. Yeah,~

Rhonda: ~that and it's not something like somebody did something to me, but~ that small little thing and I, and I'm not sure if any of your listeners will relate to how something so physical, ~like something that~

Andrea: ~Yeah, yeah,~

Rhonda: can alter how you essentially feel.

Andrea: ~course.~

Rhonda: ~feel about yourself.~

Andrea: ~Yeah,~

Rhonda: And I felt like the minute that I did that, I felt beautiful. Uh, there are times that now, honey, well, I'm gunna ya. I don't feel beautiful. And I'm sure a lot of you can relate where you look at yourself and you go, what is going on with that?

Andrea: Yeah.

Rhonda: But when I did. ~Finally, you know,~

Krista: I don't know what you're talking about. ~I,~ I feel fabulous

Rhonda: feel beautiful every day. That's what I tell my, I feel fantastic [00:32:00] every day. Garbage. We know we don't feel fantastic every day, but that was one day ~where,~ when I, Took ~kind of like ~the weight of those extensions off ~and~ and then I'm not saying like hey to my sisters Go ahead and to other women who want to wear extensions and rock it because it's gorgeous.

You look amazing But for me, I knew that there was something else behind that that I was clinging to that I

Andrea: ~Mm-hmm~

Rhonda: away from the minute I did that. I felt that I could actually stand firmly in the things that I was saying to other people and back it up physically now, ~right? Like I felt like we were in~

Andrea: You were aligned. Yeah. And you

Rhonda: mind, heart, spirit,

Andrea: Yeah. Everything

Rhonda: it was all coming together and I'm still growing, um, into that, but I felt better about the way that I was saying it. my messaging and the messaging that I was putting out there to other people about who I am, what I [00:33:00] stand for, to my daughter, even though right now she probably doesn't appreciate it, about

Krista: bless.

Andrea: That'll come.

Rhonda: what I'm trying to do.

Yeah, it'll come eventually, but what I'm trying to do ~and,~ and the woman that I want her to see, um, with all my flaws and my vulnerability and my, ~uh,~ questions and, ~um,~ I think it's important that people relate to real people. And so on an educational standpoint, when I'm in a room with other teenagers, ~um,~ teaching a class or speaking about something that matters or choreographing at a performing arts school, whatever that is, they feel I'm real.

They see my passion. ~I,~ I'm coming to them. open, ~you know,~

Andrea: You're walking the walk,

Rhonda: Yeah. It's important to me. It's very important to me that I am in alignment with all of that.

Krista: ~And then taking all the experience that you've had too over the years to put into that as well.~

Rhonda: ~it,~ so that happened at 50, ~that,~

Andrea: That's really interesting. And that's a big shift.~ I mean, that's a I love how you described there, you know, in that, in that story,~ I loved when you [00:34:00] described that, ~um,~ at the time ~when you,~ when you made this decision, ~um,~ You had this beautiful surprise~ that all of those out there that you felt would perhaps see you differently or maybe not see you the way that you thought that they wanted to see you, all of a sudden shared with you something that perhaps was there all along.~

~And that is~ that people saw you as beautiful for you and that it was. ~you know,~ not attached to the way that you were necessarily showing up physically, but that it was about who you are and how that then allowed you the freedom and the space to, ~like,~ really be in alignment with yourself and to feel entirely with integrity that you were showing up exactly as you were meant to show up.

in that moment and have all of those people that meant, you know, so much to you to say, you're just as beautiful as you've always been. And nothing has changed despite the fact that ~you've got, you know, you,~ you've taken the step to change who you've been for so long. Physically. It's a beautiful moment to have that, ~uh,~ that continued, ~like love of who you are, not of.~

~You know,~ a physical trait that we, we feel so [00:35:00] attached to. ~Um, it's, it, it seems like that was a really, a beautiful moment for you as you, as you explained.~

Rhonda: And I think because it sounds so frivolous when you think ~like,~ Ooh, she cut her hair with that was a, but, but it is for many people. It's a huge shift in how you want yourself to be viewed by. other people. Appearance for many people, ~um,~ can be manipulated in many ways. And as actors, ~um,~ you are constantly shifting and changing your appearance to accommodate

Krista: Oh yeah.

Rhonda: you're playing.

But literally, I'm not, I was not working as an actor, but I was still playing a particular role,

Krista: ~Yes.~

Rhonda: I needed to find Myself and that was one of the benefits I felt of the pandemic was it made everyone pause and really stop and look at everything, not just who they were and how you are participating in society or community or in your family, but ~it.~

~It made you kind of go, hmm, is this what I want to give to the world? Is this what I want to do in this space? Is this the kind of mom I want to be? Is this the kind of wife I want to be? Like~ a [00:36:00] lot of questions happened over that time. And for some people, ~um, ~they started doing something that would alter or change or shift that for themselves.

~And some people, you know, went, That was, that was weird, right? I had~

Andrea: ~And went right back to the old things.~

Rhonda: ~Yeah, I went right back to just doing whatever.~ But for other people, that moment in time really allowed, ~um,~ themselves to shift their behavior or way of being or change a habit or,~ you know,~ for some people they quit smoking or they stopped drinking or, ~you know, ~lots of different things happened in that time.

Krista: Rhonda, you also went from ~your studio To ~closing your studio down and doing all of your courses, your teaching, your classes online in your basement.

Rhonda: Yep.

Krista: a little bit about that? And~ like, I know that~ you had ~clients that were so, you know,~ long term clients that would come in and that was~ their, that was their, um,~ Something that they look forward to every week, ~you know,~ coming in and seeing their friends and then, ~you know,~ having that pivot as everyone kind of refers to it, you got to pivot and work online.

And so, ~and ~would you say that most of your clients are in their midlife?

Rhonda: [00:37:00] yes,

Krista: or then as well.

Rhonda: Uh, midlife to senior.~ So, uh,~

Krista: ~I'd love to,~ I'd love to hear about ~that transition from real, ~that realization of leaving the studio and saying, Nope, this is, we got to move things. We got to pivot. We got to put them online and how that care affected your clients in their midlife and what they needed and ~what you.~

What you found was really helpful for them.

Rhonda: yeah. So, I think for a lot of people, they were having trouble imagining a shift to something new because it really hadn't been done before. ~Like,~ some people were working in that space and some people, ~um,~ We're ~kind of ~experimenting a little bit in that ~space, um, ~virtual space. ~I'm talking about. ~So ~like~ doing personal training online, but it wasn't a big, huge thing at that point.

~Um, so basically,~ I just remember having this conversation with my husband and saying, ~like,~ we need to. ~Kind of ~figure this out for me or else there's no income coming in at all And~ with I I don't think this is thing a lot of people don't understand with people who have their own businesses There is the safety net you have is the one that you create right like, you know If you don't have you you at the time you could collect Insurance, uh some kind of insurance from the government because they were handing out the money But then ultimately you're going to be handing all of that money back~

Andrea: ~Yeah.~

Rhonda: I didn't want to have to owe anybody anything.

So I thought I don't want to lose these [00:38:00] amazing people. They didn't want to lose me. So initially I started by doing a Facebook live and ~that Facebook live, ~that gave me an opportunity to reach people and~ to see, I could~ still be kind of quirky and funny, still see you and give you some, ~uh,~ information and,~ and, and,~ Things that you need to help correct the positions of your body.

I can still see you.~ I think that was the fear was like how can Rhonda fix me if she's not there poking me because~

Andrea: ~hmm.~

Rhonda: ~Because I'm a touchy. I'm a touchy trainer, right? I'm like, oh you need to open this. We need to draw this We need to live~

Andrea: ~Mm hmm.~

Rhonda: ~and but that touch for them was An indicator, and a quick indicator of where they were.~

~Where they were, that was interesting. Am I, am I still in~

Krista: ~You're good. You're~

Andrea: ~Yep, you're back.~

Rhonda: ~it was, it was a, a quick way for them to be able to know immediately how to change the body.~

Krista: Correct me if I'm wrong, but you were, you were offering those as ~like~ a free

Rhonda: it was free.

Krista: as so many were at the time. I remember ~Kai,~ my husband and I and our boys~ were, ~took a couple of your classes. It was so amazing. ~Was that, um, Pur on purpose?~ Was that a very, ~like,~ strategic thing for you? ~Because people in our midlife were not always, you know, good with change and technology.~

~So that must have been a scary thing for them.~

Rhonda: ~that was a scary thing for them.~ So the Facebook live was a great way~ for them ~to ~kind of ~come into my space. ~Uh,~ they knew that my family was in the room. Um, Ocean would be a person who was telling me who was appearing on screen and she would write it on a whiteboard and I would think, Oh, Krista's here with her family.

Fantastic. Uh, my husband was videotaping because at the time I didn't have a camera that would allow for. You just see my whole body. [00:39:00] So he was filming all around me so

Andrea: Oh, wow. It's

Rhonda: was, was totally a ~family,~ family effort was being done here. And then through that I started contacting my clients and seeing if they would like to continue to do their lessons.

online. And so I bought the equipment to make that happen. ~I got a microphone. Uh, my husband, at the first time I was doing it, we connected my computer to the big screen TV in the wall. And then I started getting injured because I was always doing this to look at the wall. So then we set up a bigger screen TV on the side that was on a hinge that could come in and out that allowed me to see people.~

~In a much bigger scale.~ So when they started getting the feedback from me during the sessions, and I was saying, your ribs are pushing forward too much. They were like, you can see that.~ I was like,~ yes, I see everything. I see all and tell all. ~Um,~ and that's when they realized that. This was ~still ~quite valuable.

So~ I'll,~ I call them my lovely lifers. They all signed on right away and stayed with me, but I did, I did lose clients because they ~just couldn't see. They~ couldn't see how that would

Andrea: Yeah, yeah,

Rhonda: ~Uh, but and ~then I got better over time giving instruction with words instead of with tactile [00:40:00] touch,~ right?~

Like without actually moving it

Krista: Describing things,

Rhonda: what happened to them was now they became better at policing their own bodies,~ right? At that re education for themselves, because now they could actually feel when it was happening, because I wasn't there~

Krista: ~Yeah.~

Rhonda: ~now they were able to kind of fix themselves. And so they were feeling actually like, wow, I, I really felt my center on that one said amazing.~

~You were telling yourself some of the things that I'm always telling you or giving you, um, when I'm in person. So that really, it really was great because they were starting to see change. And then understanding a re education of how they were using their own bodies for themselves, which~

Andrea: ~hmm. Mm~

Rhonda: ~for me, magic, because I'm like, this is really where I want you to be.~

So even after everything went back to normal, I offered my services. I said, I can come to you or we can just continue online. ~Cause I didn't want to rent a space anymore. And so they just made the decision. ~So I have a lot of clients that stayed online with me and, ~uh, it was,~ it was great. ~It was great.~

Krista: so cool.

Andrea: It's interesting how you described ~the, um, you know, you talk about~ being, ~you know, this, um, you know,~ an instructor and an educator. And I love the use of that word educator in the context of this training and in the context of teaching, ~um,~ Because you, ~um,~ created ~like ~an empowerment for the folks that were taking the classes, whereby you were almost handing them the tools, but through your teaching for them to now advocate for themselves.

~Back to the, the full, you know, the full circle coming back to being an advocate. And you really created an empowerment of these people to know now what they need to do for themselves as opposed to relying on you to come in and make sure that that's being done that way. And your back is straight here.~

They were empowered by your teaching [00:41:00] to now do that themselves. I think that's a really interesting distinction between what, ~you know, maybe.~ Former studios or ~the train,~ the way that training used to work. It's a really interesting kind of evolution, isn't it?

Rhonda: I really feel that for a lot of, ~um,~ women, because most of my clients, ~uh,~ are women. I do have a couple of male clients, but most are women. And I think for them, they really felt like they needed me all the time. And~ I, what I, what, ~what ended up happening was I said, okay, so you see me on this day and, Why not do this exercise ~like ~we can tape it and then you can do it tomorrow and you can maybe do it two days after that.

~Um,~ so what I really loved was that ~it started, ~they started to ~actually ~ask me for videos. And then what happened was I started creating a class for other people. So if you couldn't really [00:42:00] afford the personal training, then I offered, ~uh, on Tuesday nights, I offer~ a group class. That we still have that same community where everybody can see each other online and I teach the class and I talk to people the same way I would if ~I was, if~ you were in the room with me and~ I, it's just,~ it's a lot of fun.

~Like, we,~ I think that people don't think you can still have that same energy in your own house with the screen, like, yes, there's a difference. You feel people's energy more when you're in this space. But I really feel that having an appointment keeps you accountable. ~So, for women or men that feel like, I'm never going to do this by myself, having an appointment knowing on Tuesday nights I'm going to just turn on my computer and do as much as I can is a great, great, great way of getting it in.~

~And that's the thing with my clients that I still have now because people are like, Some people are like, why, what, what benefit would you get out of, out of doing a class, um, when you're not even in the room with the person? Like, how, how can Rhonda possibly give you the same feedback, not in person? And I think my clients would tell you, um, Uh, Rhonda gives me more feedback now because I'm able to watch and clearly see it coming at me in the space.~

~Sometimes I am setting up another exercise or I'm moving the weight for you or, you know, It's a very, when you're in, on a screen, you really get an opportunity to look at the whole body all at once because it's a little bit in a distance, right? And then I can quickly decide what needs to adjust so that that person can feel something more.~

~And sometimes, I'm going to be honest, sometimes, um, if that person is not really great at the, their own body, They don't understand the difference between muscle and bone and adjusting that way. I have to do a lot more explanation and imagery to get them to understand what I need. And that also actually really helps.~

~But generally, ~I'm really I'm really impressed with how my clients are still able to,~ um, ~find the little things that I want them to find in their body. When it's not effective, they'll tell me. When it is really effective, they'll go, wow, I really felt that that time. And I really think, like you're saying, the empowerment piece is knowing that you can do it also on your own.

So, yes, I even pass them along apps and I say, Okay. Yes, we're working together. This is not going to take away what [00:43:00] we do, but it will only improve the result that you want to get. If you do it more than the one time a week or the two times a week that you see me, I'm a big believer in doing something every day for ~like~ 15, 20 minutes.

That for me, 15, 20 minutes every day is so much better than one hour once a week. Because your body doesn't adjust to what's going on one hour a week. ~You might feel great that one hour that you're at your Zumba or in your kickbox class. That's great. But then the other days, go for a walk, do some yoga.~

~There's so many great little apps that are out there for free that you can use anytime. Press on it. Let it send you a reminder and that way you're able to continue our journey that we're that we have as a team because I~ My clients and I we are one I am in your corner. I am working with you I your family to me you're not just a A person that comes on my screen and I'm like, okay, let's do five pushups.

It's no,

Krista: your, your little community.

Rhonda: it is my, I know your family. I know what's happening in a relationship.~ I know. It's like, ~you're not just, ~uh,~ a person that leads a person through exercise. You are a coach. You are. Giving this person encouragement, especially when they don't [00:44:00] want to do it and worked with some of my clients who have gone through life changing moments like a stroke, or I have a client right now who's currently in hospital.

These are some of my senior clients,~ um, you know,~ fighting for their life. ~Um,~ I have other clients that have autoimmune diseases. ~I have clients that, you know, hopefully I'm not. I'm not telling you who they are, but I'm just saying~

Krista: ~This is a part of life~

Rhonda: ~with, ~it's a part of life and I watch them go through all of these changes, including when their children go off to school and how the mental impact and the emotional impact of that affects how they move their bodies and being in tune with those changes and knowing how to pivot the workout.

~Right?~ Because sometimes they may have an intention to come in and, ~you know, rock it and let's, let's kill it.~ Let's do some weights. Let's do some cardio. But then sometimes I can tell they don't need that right now. They need to do some gentle stretching. They need to go inward a little bit. They need to dive into core.

Centering, they need to work on [00:45:00] stabilization, ~like~ knowing the person and knowing what they need. I feel that's the best part of my job and, ~um,~ being able to encourage them, even when I know it's not something that they want to do. Uh, that's the hardest part of my job. ~Definitely.~

Andrea: that description and that story, and there was a couple of things there that I just really. Want to touch on, ~um,~ you talked about how, ~um.~ You personalize to each of the people that you're working with, ~um,~ because you recognize what they need. And you touched on a piece there about what's happening in their lives, changes how their bodies are ~actually~ performing or feeling, ~and.~

~You know,~ and with women~ in particular, because, you know, that's, you know, our, our audience will be hopefully everybody, because everybody will find this so fascinating, but with women~ in their mid lives who are experiencing so many things that are really big shifts, whether it be a physical shift or whether it be, and you touched on this, a mental shift.

So when you, ~when you,~ [00:46:00] referenced, ~um, you know,~ women, ~whose children or families, but in this case, women,~ whose children have now left home. That's a very real experience for me as I sit here ~in my first 2 months of~ being an empty nester. ~Um,~ and it really struck me how I hadn't even really thought about how,

I know what it's been doing to my mental space because I've been feeling sad and I'm like, what am I now? Where are my children gone? The bedrooms are empty. And so I know how my mental space feels, but I haven't really until you said that, thought about how it physically impacts how my body is reacting to it or ~Um,~ what I'm holding now in my body physically because of that experience.

And so that really, really landed. And I, I really appreciated you highlighting ~how, um, you know,~ this is part of what you're From your own personal experience, knowing your body so well, ~having, you know, navigated all the things that you've navigated and arrived at the age that you are now,~ and being even that more in tune with what is going on for you, you can [00:47:00] extend that ~now and know what that is.~

~You know, people need and in, in your case, it's your, it's your, your folks in, in your classes. And I, I think that's really amazing that you're able to offer that~ to people because they may not even know that that's what they need. And so ~that's, that's,~ that's amazing.

Krista: Such a special gift. Yeah.

Rhonda: was going to say, the gift really is that it's a two way street. So, those beautiful people that I get to work with, they also, are there for me in the exact same way. Some of them, my senior clients, as I go through, ~um, you know, ~the teenage years with my daughter or ~as I was ~even when she was little, I could come to them and ask them, you know, did your child do this?

Or, you know, we have that kind of bond where we're able to share. And I think that's the beauty of working with somebody one on one ~that you don't get when you, you know, I want to say like a just a regular chain or, you know, or you can, you can still have that if that's if time allows, but many, many places that time doesn't allow.~

~So.~ I work on my own because I get to set my schedule so I am able to have that time with my clients. They know that they could text me at any time. ~Sometimes that's good, though sometimes it's not good. But they could text me at any time~ and they know that I will return that text or that phone call, ~um,~ day or night,~ uh, ~especially if there's something going on, if they're not [00:48:00] well, ~uh,~ or if they're having, ~um,~ trouble with their child or a parent passes ~or, you know, ~because all of those things I have walked through with many of my clients and I'm really grateful for that experience ~because, um, those experiences Those experiences do make me richer, even though sometimes it can be frustrating or, you know, if you miss a session or I'm, I'm, I'm trying to figure out how to work so many different things into a schedule.~

The value of that is, is that I have all of these people that I add to my personal community, ~so they become, they,~ they are there for me. I couldn't believe how many people, ~um, ~when I said, I'm sorry,~ like,~ I was sick ~and I couldn't, um, well, I think it was when COVID was big and my husband and my daughter had COVID and I was positive, but I wasn't really sick, but I was hanging out in the basement and they, um, and couldn't go anywhere.~

~And they were,~ can we drop something off for you? Can we come and bring you some juice? ~Or some people just brought something. Like, I felt like, do you get this at the local,~

Krista: ~Probably not.~

Rhonda: ~Probably not. Um, but it~

Krista: ~still community, but it's different. It feels different. ~This is more intimate and this is more, ~you know,~ bringing in that care that you talk about that, that even the resilience, you know, staying by them, they're staying by you. All those things that ~you've,~ you've shared ~are, it, it's,~ It is community.

~It's, it's,~ and community can be and happen in such different ways. And it sounds like you've really found that in them and they found that in you. ~They, they, yeah, it's just, it's such a beautiful thing.~

Rhonda: ~because they have sustained me~

Krista: ~Oh~

Andrea: ~Yeah. Right? As communities do.~

Rhonda: ~They sustained me over that really difficult time, and, uh, I was very, very grateful for that, and I'm very appreciative of the fact that they believed enough in me, and saw, now, they saw my value, so outside of the fact that they, because they could have gone anywhere after COVID and said, well, I'm, You know, I don't know about this~

Krista: ~Or they could have stopped. They could have~

Rhonda: ~Exactly. Some people did. And I did have a couple that did stop completely because they didn't understand how this could happen online. And then after a couple of months, I think a few months, they contacted me and said, we need you. So, however, however, this is going to work. Uh, we want to make it work and basically help them get hooked up on Zoom.~

~Zoom. And then,~

Andrea: ~Like the whole Zoom world.~

Rhonda: ~Yeah, yeah, and then they came back. So I did lose clients, but then I also gained clients, um people that live farther away. I have a client, um, who has moved to Switzerland and basically was trying to find someone there and then was like, I, I, I'm sorry, I just want to be, you know, You know exactly what I need.~

~So we work around the time difference and yeah. So I see~

Krista: ~thing that you can have the ability to do, right, when you are controlling your own schedule and doing your own thing and, and~

Rhonda: ~And when you're~

Krista: ~still have a choice to say no, but when you have that, you know, that connection with somebody and they feel that with you, what an honor. It's.~

Rhonda: ~Yeah. It's been, it's a wonderful, wonderful thing. And also because of my flexibility with the clients. Because we're more like family. When I do have adjudication, when I go off and adjudicate dance competitions, or if I'm teaching or choreographing somewhere, they're flexible with me and my time, so I'm able to add those other things that bring me joy~

Krista: ~Hm. Cause that's important too.~

Rhonda: ~to keep it.~

~Yes, because I could not, I was doing no dance for a while, um, just sporadically, and I realized, it's, I definitely need that in my life. It is too much a part of who I am. And for me to not do it more on the regular, I found was, again, when you were talking about what imprints your body, that was something that was missing.~

~So it's really important. ~And just to circle back to, ~um,~ when you were talking about your children leaving and how that imprinted you, ~uh,~ it's [00:49:00] really Amazing. How when the body feels stress and you've had an old injury, how immediately it trickles into that area of the body. And so,~ like,~ I know this sounds like I'm doing a session, but one of the things that I would advise is, ~um, that breathing breath~

Andrea: ~I, I'd love a session. Like, yeah. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I'd love a session. Um, the breath work. Yeah. That, that I, yeah. Yeah. Absolutely.~

Rhonda: ~It sounds so silly, but~ breathwork, not just sitting though, breathwork, because I know there's so many, but just meditate, but I'm a mover and I don't know

Andrea: ~Somatic. Yeah.~

Krista: You're a mover? ~You like, you~

Rhonda: I know, I'm still moving right now in the screen, but I need to be able to breathe and move at the same time, because, ~uh,~ the stillness sometimes for people can also be stressful, and that's what I recognize with some of my clients.

~It's like, how can I get them to breathe? If I'm with you, then sometimes~ I ~can put my hands in areas of the, Okay. If you're lower back and try to get you to breathe into my hands lower or place my hands gently on the shoulders to try to get them to stop turtling and provide more length through the back of the neck and like just those types~

Andrea: ~Yeah. Yeah.~

Rhonda: ~that you've worked with for a while, then you allow them to do certain things with you that maybe some people might not.~

Krista: ~Mm. The trust is there.~

Rhonda: worked with people where they've had a loss or, um, They're very worried about something, and in the middle of the session, they'll just start crying, and they're like, I'm so sorry, ~Ron,~ I'm so sorry.

I'm like, nah, that is your body freeing up space [00:50:00] and freeing up energy, and that's how energy is coming out of your body, and it's beautiful, actually. It means we've touched, we found something that needed to let go, and you're letting go, and I let them know that it's okay, ~you know,~ and that's why I'm here, and that's why we're in this space together. It's to give you that opportunity to just do that and don't feel shame about it. ~It's,~

Krista: ~such a beautiful~

Rhonda: it's one of those beautiful things when you're not allowing your body to release

Krista: It'll just do it.

Rhonda: Yeah. You do a little,

Andrea: Something will happen.

Rhonda: all of a sudden it triggers the release in the body and it's like waterworks and they're like,

Andrea: And you're like, what just happened? It is wild. Yeah. And it's different for everybody. That's the interesting thing is that it's also everybody's unique story and everybody's unique movement or everybody's unique trigger creates that, that moment. It's,~ it's really, it's~ really very individual.

~Um,~

Rhonda: ~And I'm not God. So I'm not, I don't have a trigger button. I, you know, I'm not walking around saying, well I have this trigger button that can help you release. No, no, no, no. I'm not that person. I don't know what it is. I know that there's a sequence of movements you can do to help~

Krista: Mm hmm.

Rhonda: ~release in the center of the body that might allow sometimes, you know,~ sometimes in my sessions, honestly, [00:51:00] a client might just need to turn And

Krista: Mm hmm.

Rhonda: the talk, I put them in the position that will allow them to stretch or get them on their backs or, you know, and I honour like where they are.

Andrea: Yeah.

Rhonda: ~and I don't think they're,~ and I always remind them just know that what you did today is just as valuable as pushing a 20 pound weight in the air. ~Uh,~ Your body would have rejected that anyways.

Krista: And potentially injured as well. ~Yeah.~

Rhonda: So the time that we're spending doing this right now is far more valuable and don't discount it.~ You know, don't think you've wasted my time. They're so sweet in that way. I've just wasted your day. You didn't waste my day. You know, your body needed something.~

I'm going with where your body is and just honor that. I think sometimes we're so fixated on the fact that if this isn't, if I'm not doing this, this, this, this, this, then this time isn't valuable.

Andrea: Yeah.

Rhonda: Bull. I feel like you have to honor where you are and I remind myself that sometimes too, ~I,~ I'm a [00:52:00] person that's like, I got to clean the , I do the laundry, can make sure the dinner's done ~and gotta,~ and then I'm not feeling well. And I ended up curled up on my bed or something for a little nap. And I've slept over the time that, you know, you've wanted to. And my husband will say, But you needed that so don't feel bad about the fact that ~you know that ~you didn't do X Y and Z because X Y and Z they're not going anywhere.

~Um, but so I try to Exactly.~ So I try to remember to say that to my clients as well It's like whatever you didn't complete today. Trust me. It's still going to be there So whatever you did right now is what you need And just go with it

Krista: Oh.

Andrea: Yeah. Be okay with that.

Rhonda: Yeah,

Krista: I love

Rhonda: okay with that. Yeah.

Krista: ~that's a really great way to, to maybe wrap this up and just, uh, and, and just really take a second to, yeah, to just really understand that we need to,~ we need to understand where we are. We need to. ~Yeah.~ Be grateful for that.~ We need to take a second, do that breath work or whatever it needs to just be grounded and, and grateful for what we have and where we are.~

I'm grateful for you.

Rhonda: Grateful. So grateful for this opportunity. ~It's so funny when you're a person just kind of going through your day and doing your job, you know, what do I have to offer other people? Do they want to hear what I got to~

Krista: ~That was like your first response. I was like, are you kidding me?~

Rhonda: ~Yeah. And, um, I think that~

Andrea: ~has a story.~

Krista: ~Yeah.~

Rhonda: I think ~that that's really~ the importance of this podcast and to ~sort of~ highlight ~that, that, so what, you're not an Instagrammer and you're not on a YouTuber or a celebrity, the,~ the value of each individual [00:53:00] person in the community that you are in, those people actually will make you stronger, will make you feel more resilient, will allow you the opportunities to be kind. ~You can give them, ~you can advocate for them, you can be caring, all those things that I talked about earlier,~ uh, you're sort of really able to zone in on that.~ And these little small opportunities that I have to speak, ~uh, to people~ and to share whatever I've had in the last 54 years of my life to share, uh,

Krista: In the first 54 years of your life, you got, you got a whole, whole

Andrea: Oh, you got another, another 50, another 50 for us.

Rhonda: yeah. I'm really looking forward to ~passing,~ passing that on and passing on all of the gifts that have been given to me from the elders in my life. So thank you so much, ladies, for providing me this opportunity to share.

Krista: Thank you.

Andrea: it's absolutely, as you said ~so beautifully~ earlier, such a beautifully ~symbiotic,~ symbiotic experience,~ right? Like, so much for us to learn, um, you know,~ [00:54:00] hearing your stories, ~um,~ and following the beautiful dance that you create, ~um,~ and you just, Perfectly. I was just like, what, somehow did you rehearse? Like, is that part of the thing that you do? Because you literally just pulled out of my brain, this beautiful summary where you walked through all five of your words and you did it without looking at the list. I made a list, but you did it so perfectly. You said, You know what? I love this opportunity to be able to share my story and to be able to share where kindness shows up, where resilience shows up, where advocating and being an advocate for others and for yourself can show up, where determination shows up, and where joy and where fun and where being funny in a moment also show up and you just did that on your own [00:55:00] without even ~like~ being prompted.

So high fives for that. Thank you for that. That was amazing. ~Um, and what a,~ what a joy it is to have you be able to take this time out of your busy day. We all have so much going on and for you to jump on this call with us. love it. Thank you so, so much, Rhonda.

Rhonda: Thank you. Thank you. I appreciate you both. Thank you so much.

Krista: So, for our listeners, you can learn more about Rhonda in our show notes and also on our website, HalfBetty. com, we'll have some resources there that you can have a look at and hopefully keep in touch with Rhonda, too, and reach out to her. Rhonda, where can our listeners find you?

Rhonda: ~Uh,~ you can email me at info@rhondaroberts. com and ~I believe~ you can go to my website ~www.~ rhondaroberts. com which will connect you to the tab fitness website. And then if you're wanting my Instagram or girls, I'm from a certain age where I can't quite [00:56:00] remember that. But if you go to Instagram and you put in Rhonda Roberts, I think~ like~ an underscore tab fitness might show up

Krista: We'll put it in the show notes and make sure.

Rhonda: You can find me there as well.

Andrea: ~We'll make sure that everybody has access. We'll~

Rhonda: ~Awesome. I know if I was like 20 years 20 years younger, I'd be like, you can go to blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, but all these different things. I'm like, my address is,~

Krista: ~That's when~

Rhonda: ~but if you email me, yes, exactly. But if you email me info@rhondaroberts.com, that is like one of the best ways to get ahold of me because I always check my email~

Krista: ~Good. And you~

Andrea: ~it. And~

Krista: ~We should let everyone know. Yeah,~

Andrea: ~Yeah, yeah, and~

Krista: ~just wanted to have clarity around that too.~

Rhonda: ~But if you are looking to do like a session or something, remember I'm online, so it doesn't matter where. You are.~

Krista: ~You could be in Switzerland. How cool is~

Andrea: ~the beauty~

Rhonda: ~You can be even in Switzerland.~

Andrea: ~you can be~

Rhonda: ~And still have a session with me.~

Krista: ~Technology is so cool.~

Rhonda: ~It's so cool. So cool. Even sometimes when my clients go on vacation, I'm in the Turks and Caicos, so I'm more welcome.~

~I'm in Florida now.~

Krista: ~Take me with you.~

Rhonda: ~It~

Andrea: ~you go,~

Rhonda: ~what I say. Take me with you. I'd be happy to come in person for those sessions. ~Anyway, thank you so much, ~everybody.~

Andrea: Thanks Rhonda.

Rhonda: Thank you. Okay, bye.

Andrea: Bye